Tag Archives: weird

I’m Sorry … Please Try Your Search Again

As I’m sure all bloggers discovered shortly after beginning their blogs, the search terms people use that ultimately lead them to our blogs are crazy!

My first look at the searches that directed weirdos to my blog was quite eye-opening.  And terrifying.  The crazies have most certainly found me.

A little over two months have passed since I last looked into what terms led these crazies searchers to my blog.  You can see those terms here.

Since that first examination, I’ve discovered that most of the people who are led to my blog through Google searches fit into one of 10 categories:

1. Creeper

“wow alicia your all grown up now”

Why, yes, I am.  But your observation is scaring me a little.


Let’s just hope this isn’t why you were searching for this:

Source: Quick Meme

Source: Quick Meme

“random boys phone numbers”

If he doesn’t know you exist, you probably shouldn’t call him.  That’s called stalking.

“waffle and alicia”

I’m sorry, but anything that includes me and a waffle is never going to happen.  Creep.

2. Perv

“young boys butt crack candid pix”

I hope someone captured your IP address because you need to go to jail.  P.S. – I hope you drop the soap.

“hot mon blow job to son huge dick jerking off”

I assume this is supposed to say “hot mom,” which makes this even more disgusting.  For some things, there just are no words…

“photos of young boys at playground”

I hope your next visitor is Chris Hansen.

Source: Know Your Meme

Source: Know Your Meme

“butt crack” – “boys buttcrack” – “girls buttcrack flickr” – “buttcrack blog”

Why the heck would you ever want to look at someone’s butt crack???  And why the heck are so many damn people Googling this?!

“pin porn preteen cute small little”

You’re a disgusting excuse of a man… That’s all I have to say about that.

3. Realist

“being a grown up sucks”

Oh, you have no idea, buddy…

“i love being white”

Sad this has to go in this category, but you know as well as I do, that it’s true.

Source: Lipstick Alley

Source: Lipstick Alley

“killer bird”

They’re all killers… All of them, I tell you!  Don’t let your guard down!

Okay... So THIS attack is awesome!

Okay… So THIS attack is awesome!

“i need an orgasm ecards”

We all do, honey… We all do.


So what??  You’re not exhausted and broke.  But I bet you also don’t have these!!

“i don’t like big balls”

Giiiiirl, me either.  What the !@#$  Did someone really search for that?!

4. Douchebag

“cmon man what dat white boy”

For some reason, I picture Vanilla Ice as the searcher here…

Source: last.fm

Source: last.fm

“once a hoe always a hoe rotten ecard”

What a classy gentleman you are.

“funny mexican women”

You’re probably one of those people who starts off your sentences with, “I don’t mean this racist, but …”  Jackass.

“stuck up people and people who walk around thinking they’re god’s gift sayings”

I can help with this one.  I have a saying for you: “You’re a douche face.”

“cant trust these hoes”

No, you can’t.  Hoes are known to be very shady.

Source: Bluelight

Source: Bluelight

“myrtle beach ratchet girl”

If you’re Googling ratchet girl, you’re probably quite a winner yourself, huh??

“saying for chunky girls”

First, you’re a jerk for asking.  Second, you can, in fact, find several answers to that throughout my blog.  Oops.

“rotten ecards large foreheads”

Is that really necessary?

“ugly face rotten ecards”

Daaaaaaamn!  Why you gotta’ go there?!

5. Nutcase  

“memes dont care willy wonka”

Why does this sound like it could be part of Plies’ next song?

“when will jesus return to earth”

I hope you’re not one of those nutjob cultist church members.  I have news for you: You will be wrong again.

Source: INC NOW

Source: INC NOW

“how to dismiss a ghost from house”

Try this: Stand on your head.  Spin around three times.  No, wait… the other way.  Sneeze once.  Get off your head.  Stand on one foot.  Jump up and down.  Tell it that it better not piss you off.  There!  It should be gone!  Let me know how it works out for you.

6. Sicko

“big brother pooped in little brother’s undies”

Uh, little bro can now keep those undies.

“stinky vaginas”

That’s not normal.  You should get that checked out.

Source: someecards

Source: someecards

“knocked up by my brother”

Wow.  Just wow.

7. Conspirator

 “obama divorce story”

I don’t think he’s ever been divorced, bro… but I’m sure you can find something else wrong with him.  You shouldn’t have to look very far.

8. Addict

“how come my penis meth”

You should probably seek some help.  They have NA meetings for that.

“can i make my own decisions at the age of 19?”

If you have to ask the Google this question, then probably not.  And I’d also bet on the fact that you’re probably dabbling in some things you shouldn’t be dabbling in.

9. Victim

“being stalked ecards”

Now’s probably not the time for an ecard.  Perhaps you should call the cops instead of playing on the Google.

“i regret my life so far”

Please seek immediate counseling.  This one is far beyond my expertise.

“after an abortion, the guy gave me a baby onesies as a cruel joke”

I’m just not sure what to say about this.  THAT is not a joke.  And HE is the epitome of jackasses.  I hope you’re not still with the winner.

10. Parent

“no social life 2013”

Don’t worry – that’s normal when you have kids.

“what happened to the cherry on the goodness gang”

I don’t know what happened to him, but I’m sure the gang won’t be the same without him.

“teen speak for rad”

This is one thing I can actually help with!  Woohoo!  See here for all the answers!

“child pretends brother’s breathing is too loud”

Are they driving you crazy yet?  Perhaps you should try reading for solutions.  My blog will certainly not help.

Source: Amazon

Source: Amazon

So… as you can see, I’ve had quite an array of Google searchers who’ve found my blog.  I hope for your sake, none of them have found yours, too.

What’s your favorite search term above?  Any of them creep you out as much as they have me?!

The People of ‘Merica

By now, we’ve all seen the People of Walmart emails with the shameful pictures of the creatures who can be found shopping there on any given day.

Well, folks, believe me when I tell you that those same creatures aren’t just found in the local Walmart.  No sir… Those are the People of ‘Merica.  And here are some of the best of them that I saw yesterday while we were enjoying our Fourth of July.

The Dancing Couples

Couple # 1 – And yes… He is grinding on her from behind.


Couple # 2 – Clearly, they are friends with Couple # 1.

The Old Ladies

These old girls are cutting a rug and don’t care who’s watching!

The Pimp

Notice the cane,  hoes ladies…

The Drunk White Chicks

A few too many drinks, and we all think we can dance.

Guess what ladies… we can’t!

The Good Ole’ Redneck Boys

“Squirrel brains make you smart.” ~Miss Kay

Nice boots.

Nice boots, Cowboy.

The Catwoman

Meow, boys…

The Cat…man

The Hippie

Tie die and stretch pants with holes???  Shut up!

The Parent of the Year

Between the diaper sagging down to the ground and the plethora of mosquito bites, I’d say mom and dad are in the running for best parents.

The Chunky Monkeys

Someone go fix me a sammich.

Yep… that’s most definitely her fat roll hanging out of the bottom of her shirt.

And her drawers hanging out of the top of her pants.

And last, but not least…

For some of the People of ‘Merica, there are just no words…

No, that's not her belt...

No, that’s not her belt…

I’m damn proud to be from the good ole’ U S of A.  Aren’t you??!

Source: The Berry

Source: The Berry

“I’m an oddity of one, my strangeness too complicated to explain or share.” ~Libba Bray

As I’ve previously admitted, I’m a little OCD.  According to my kids, I’m a LOT OCD.  Either way, I suppose, I have some weird quirks that leave some people thinking I’m just plain crazy.  At least other people think they’re weird… I don’t.  You be the judge:

Source: someecards

Source: someecards

1. I always always check my alarm clock three times after I set it.  Why three?  No idea, but it makes me feel better to know it’s set correctly.

2. If you see me at any random time, I’ll most likely always be biting the inside of my cheek.  I don’t bite my nails, though.  Just my cheek.  Hmm.

3. After my showers, I dry off every single inch of my body.  I can’t stand for even one drop of water to be left.  I do the same thing when I dry my hands after washing them.

4. The rearview mirror in my car must be exactly centered.  I can’t stand it if I can see anything more than my rear window.

Source: ragestache

Source: ragestache

5. The shirts hanging in my closet must all face to the left.

6. My shower curtain has to be closed all the way.  All the way.

7. When I eat cereal, vegetables, or anything else that has some liquid in it, I pour every last drop of liquid off my spoon before it goes onto my plate or into my mouth.

8. I smell my food before I eat it.

Source: the bad chemicals

Source: the bad chemicals

9. I always look in my cup (and smell it) before I pour my drink in it.

10. I eat all the pepperoni off my pizza before I eat the pizza itself.  In fact, I don’t even like the pepperoni if it’s eaten in the same bite as the pizza.

11. I read magazines from back to front.

12. I always read the last page of a book first.  (But only the last page, regardless of the number of words it’s got.)

13. I count the syllables in song lines on my fingers, hoping there will be five.

14. I eat all the chocolate off of peanut M&Ms before I eat the peanut.

15. I wear my watch on my right wrist.  (Which makes me have to take it off completely in order to adjust the time.)

16. I read a text, respond to it, and then go back and read it again.

Source: TV Ropes

Source: TV Ropes

17. I hand wash my dishes even though I have a dishwasher.  I also rinse and stack them all before I even begin washing.

18. After using a public restroom (which I will only do if desperate), I push the door open with my elbows.

19. I have to sleep on the side of the bed closest to the door.  And I will never ever sleep by the wall.

20. I make sure my dining room chairs are pushed in exactly the same amount.

Source: MotiFake

Source: MotiFake

21. I say, “You know what I mean?” after what feels like every sentence.  I’m sure it drives people batty.

22. I alphabetize my DVDs.

23. I check the time three times before I finally figure out that my watch didn’t lie to me the first time I checked it.

24. I vacuum in the same direction so that the carpet lines are parallel.

25. I won’t use a rubber band unless I absolutely have to.  That texture is awful.

26. I must have ice in any drink that’s not coffee.  “Refrigerator cold” is not cold enough.

27. My shower routine NEVER changes: wash hair, wash face, wash body, rinse face, rinse hair, condition hair, rinse body, shave, rinse conditioner.  Then dry, dry, dry.

28. I smell my hair.  Constantly.  Ask Arden… She’s caught me before.  [blush]

Source: Dump a Day

Source: Dump a Day

29. I eat Kit Kats and Hershey bars and any other candy with “perforated” lines one block at a time.

30. I can’t use any type of pencil except a mechanical one.  That feeling of when the point scratches over the paper makes me CRAZY.

Source: someecards

Source: someecards

What about you?  Do you have any of these completely normal quirks?  I’m not crazy, right?

Source: FunnyAsDuck.net

Source: FunnyAsDuck.net

Tiffany Kleiman ~ Author

“I don’t care if a reader hates one of my stories, just as long as s/he finishes the book.” ~ Roald Dahl, WD

Jeanne Grier

A Modern Day Mom

The Meat & Potatoes of Life

By Lisa Smith Molinari


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