Tag Archives: rivalry

“It snowed last year too: I made a snowman and my brother knocked it down and I knocked my brother down and then we had tea.” ~Dylan Thomas


Do your kids ever fight?  Well, mine give sibling rivalry a whole new meaning.  You haven’t seen fighting until you’ve spent five minutes with Gerald and Ronald.  Seriously.  Five minutes.  That’s all it takes.  So, today I thought we would be golden and fight-free… Ronald had a field trip all day, so he didn’t have to do any work.  When we got back to the school, I signed him out early.  Then I let Gerald walk from school with his two best friends so he didn’t have to ride the bus.  Neither of them had baseball practice today, so they got to play the Xbox all afternoon.  That should be Heaven for an 11- and 13-year-old, right, and guarantee me at least one day of no fighting?  Well, not for MY kids.  Nooooo… that would be asking too much.  That would be like me asking for snow in July.  It can’t happen.  From the second Gerald walked in the door from school, here’s what I’ve heard [verbatim]:

“Mooooom, my brother’s blinking at me.”

“Mooooom, my brother farted next to me.”

“Mooooom, my brother won’t let me have a turn playing the game.”

“Mooooom, my brother ate the last piece of cornbread.”

“Mooooom, my brother pooped right before it was my turn in the shower.” 

“Mooooom, my brother is breathing too hard.”

“Mooooom, my brother called me ugly.”

“Mooooom, my brother’s chewing too loud.”

“Mooooom, my brother just tried to touch my butt.”

“Mooooom, my brother’s pretending to stab my eye out with his knife.”

As usual, when dealing with these two, I learned a few valuable lessons today.

1. Don’t make steak (or anything else that requires a knife) for dinner.

2. Ignoring them does not help.  They only yell louder.

3. I should change my name.  Now.

4. Pretending to be invisible doesn’t work.  They know I’m still here, and they keep finding me.

Please, someone… HELP.  Get me out of here!!!


“No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.” ~W. C. Fields


THANK GOD FOR BOYS…  I cannot say that enough!  I love how males can hate each other one minute and then be best friends the next.  Gerald and Ronald can be beating the crap out of each other and literally stop in the middle of their World War 3 to go outside and throw the baseball or football back and forth to each other.  We females, on the other hand, looooove drama.  And holding grudges.  It seems like women’s love for drama doesn’t improve with age, either.    61115_4883228877315_138569966_nFor example, I have an acquaintance [I’m using that term very loosely] who is almost as old as I am, and I really believe that she loves conflict.  She’s one of those women who smiles in your face and tells you what a great friend you are and then tells her other “friends” behind your back all of the terrible things about you (that may not even be remotely true).  I’ve racked my brain trying to figure out why the heck women do this, and the only conclusion I can draw is that their self-esteem is so low that the only way they can feel better about themselves is to bring others down.  Why do we, as women, automatically try to make ourselves look better at someone else’s expense?  Why can’t we do like my boys and just talk about how awesome we are?!  Men pride themselves on having a giant penis… Why can’t we be that simplistic and pride ourselves on having big hair or a big mouth or making the world’s best cookies???  Why do women have to make everything a rivalry?  Again, any rivalry between Gerald and Ronald usually consists of one good sucker punch while the other isn’t looking, and then they’re back to being best buds again.  I watch them as they’re getting older, and their rivalries are seeming to get smaller.  That’s freakin’ awesome!  I wish I could say the same for some of the women with whom I’m “friends.”  Why can’t we just BOTH be awesome?!  Okay… rant over.    


Tiffany Kleiman ~ Author

“I don’t care if a reader hates one of my stories, just as long as s/he finishes the book.” ~ Roald Dahl, WD

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