Tag Archives: irony

“You make the Titanic look like a tiny little misadventure.” ~Gina Ranalli

The recent death of radio star Kidd Kraddick reminded me of a time I almost won a thousand dollars.  Almost.

It was September 22, 2011.  Kidd was running a contest called Credit Card Roulette.  The object was that he would announce a four-digit number, and if you had a credit card that ended in those digits, you were supposed to upload a picture of those numbers from your card.

Then, they would select three listeners whose numbers matched, and Kidd would call all three names out on air.  The first of the three listeners to call in would win $1,000.

Let me begin by backing up a little.  I listened to Kidd Kraddick in the Morning every single morning.  From start to finish.  I would turn it on the second I got in the car in the morning, listen to it all the way to work, and then once I got to work, I’d listen to the rest of the morning’s show on my computer.

I even had the boys looking forward to listening every morning.  Their favorite was Hizziewood Hizzle and Kinsey.  “J-Si, what the hell…”

And every single day that I had those matching four numbers, I’d take a picture of half of my credit card, upload it, and wait for my name to be called.  Only, every day, that didn’t happen.  He’d call Suzie and Billy and Sammy.  Or April and Lisa and Angela.

But he’d never call Alicia.

There was one morning that I had to drive about two hours to the nearest Federal Court to file a Complaint.  As usual, I was listening to KKITM, but eventually I got nothing but static.  Bummed, I found another clear station, got to the Court, filed my Complaint, and headed back to work.

When I got back, I couldn’t wait to catch up on the half of the show I’d missed when the radio station went out.  I played the second half of that morning’s show from my desk.  When the Credit Card Roulette segment came up, this is what I heard:

“The three listeners with today’s Credit Card Roulette numbers are … Alicia Benton … Jane Dow … and June Doe.  The first of the three to call us at 1-800-543-3548 will win $1,000!!!”


I couldn’t believe what I’d heard.  Thinking I must be going crazy, I rewound the video, and I listened to it again.  “The three listeners with today’s Credit Card Roulette numbers are … Alicia Benton …”


I continued to listen through the song they played right after announcing the names – which included MINE – and as one of the bitches called in and won MY money!

I sat in disbelief, more pissed off at myself for listening to the show than for having to miss that segment that morning.  Why did I even have to go back and listen to it?!

Of course, I then made it worse by thinking about it a million and ten times over the next few weeks.  I played that part of the show over and over and over.  And over.  I made my mom listen to it and my sister listen to it and the hubby listen to it.  I just couldn’t believe that the ONE show I missed was the one where Kidd finally called my name.

And I KNOW I would have been the first to call in.  I’d had the number programmed in my phone for the two months prior that they’d been running that contest.  Dammit!

Anyway, as I recall that bittersweet moment, I remember, with fondness, all the mornings I’d spend on my way to work, tears rolling down my cheeks from laughter.  Kidd, Kellie, Big Al, J-Si, and Jenna would make all of my mornings better.  It’s a shame that the mastermind behind the funniest morning show on the air has passed away far too young.

Rest in peace, Kidd Kraddick.

Source: tumblr

Source: tumblr

“I hate you. You’re crazy. One minute you’re cool, the next minute you’re throwing pointy objects at my head…” ~L.M.N.

Ah, young love…  Do you remember those days?  I remember the days when boys were gross, and I used to chase them around the playground.

Photo by Alicia Benton

Photo by Alicia Benton

My mom used to tell me that meant I had a crush on one of those boys.  What?!  No way!  She was nuts!  Of course, as I grew up, I realized that she was exactly right.  I mean, how else are you supposed to show a boy that you like him, besides chasing him around and pushing him down when you finally catch him???  Well, I’ll tell you what – It’s quite an eye-opening experience when you finally get to see your kid reach those days.  There’s a girl in Ronald’s class, who also happens to live in our neighborhood, who thinks “Ronald is gross.”  [Read:  “Ronald is cute.”]  How do I know this, you ask?  Well, I’m glad you asked.  For one, every day when Ronald gets home from school, he updates me on the latest number of times that Kayla pulled his hair in class and on the bus.  (Remember, he’s got the mean ‘fro going on…)  Then, he tells me all about how while he was riding his bike, she chased him around the neighborhood throwing pine cones at him.  Today, my sister and I watched first hand as she showered him with pink flower petals as he rode by.  Then she proceeded to pick up handfuls of pine straw and attempt to cover him in it.  She never misses a chance to tell me about all the “gross” things Ronald does.  He keeps telling me how annoying she is, and when I tell him that it’s just her way of showing him that she likes him, he responds with, “Eww, Mom.  That’s gross.  Plus, she’s mean to me.  There’s no way she likes me.”  Ha!  Little does he know that she goes home after school and doodles her first name right alongside his last name.  She’s already picked out her wedding dress for that glorious day ten years from now that she gets to marry MY son!  [Over my dead body, by the way…]  It’s so funny to me now to see that the way we females show boys that we like them is by doing the meanest things we can think of to them.  What… you want me to be NICE to the boy I like?  Yeah right!  Hmm… I guess some things will never change, huh?  😉

Tiffany Kleiman ~ Author

“I don’t care if a reader hates one of my stories, just as long as s/he finishes the book.” ~ Roald Dahl, WD

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