Time Flies

Why is it that when we’re at work the time just drags by, but when it comes to our kids it just flies?

As the school year winds down, I am flooded with emotions, which – I’m quite sure – every mom is.  We watch with disbelief as our babies become young men and women.  We reminisce about the past, and feel a complex mixture of emotions.  We long for their innocence and carefree spirits to return, yet we stand in awe of their newly-forming maturity and responsibility.

I still remember the day, 14 years ago, that Gerald was born.  He was a perfect little seven pound, fifteen ounce miracle.

And the day that Ronald, my baby boy, made his tiny six pound, thirteen ounce entry into our family…

And even still the time when, literally, overnight, I went from having only two kids to four!  Marrying Eugene and blending our families was both the greatest and most difficult thing we’ve ever done.

I get teary-eyed even now as I think of the day we took Gerald to meet his kindergarten teacher, Ronald following his every move through the classroom, wanting to be just like his big brother.  I just couldn’t believe that I had a child who was old enough for school already!

It’s bittersweet as I recall Ronald’s graduation from preschool, when he just couldn’t wait to start “big school” that fall.

As much as I’ve tried to slow down their rush to grow up, I have to admit that I’m fascinated and in awe of seeing their personalities develop and character build.

I’ve watched this year as my step-son’s focus has changed from that of an elementary schooler whose hardest decision in life is what snack to take for lunch to how to start choosing friends wisely.

And I’ve been simultaneously terrified and amazed at my step-daughter’s transition from a carefree tomboy to an actual, real little girl.  She’s begun stressing over what she should wear and how her hair looks.  Trying to calm Daddy down and keep him from having a nervous breakdown has been a chore for me in and of itself!

Ronald will be starting seventh grade in the fall, and if any of you have had a seventh grader, you know that means I’m in for a LOT of hard work, heartache, and a tremendous need for patience!  As is the case with most kids this age, he’s having to learn to balance school with popularity and a social life – all while being completely managed by out-of-control hormones, causing him to feel every range of emotions within a span of five minutes!

And finally, we move to Gerald… Gerald, who just attended his eighth grade dance.  With a girl!  Okay, now it’s my turn to have the nervous breakdown!  I still can’t believe that he starts high school in the fall.  While it’s terrifying to see him mature and become a man, I’m in complete awe of the maturity and responsibility he’s learning.  I’m learning what a fine line there is between being a disciplinarian and a confidante and friend.  And I’m seeing firsthand how difficult it is trying to balance on that line without falling too far to either side.  As parents, we can only hope and pray that we’re raising them to be responsible and be Godly young men and women who will make good decisions once they’re out of our sight.

So, parents, as this school year wraps up and our children continue to grow up far too quickly, know this:  You are not alone!  You are not the only parent who’s constantly wondering if you’re doing a good job with your kids, and you’re certainly not the only parent who’s terrified of failing.  Remember, we’re all doing the best we can with the tools we have.  And also remember – our kids love us.  They love us despite our rules and mistakes and uncertainty.

We all know how time flies as we watch our children grow up, so I’ll leave you with this – Cherish every second of being a parent… every second of the joys, the accomplishments, the milestones, and yes – even the fights, the arguments, and the trials.  We’ll never get another chance to raise our children, so keep doing the best you can, and treasure it even when you want to give up.  We all want to throw in the towel at times.  I can assure you that you’re not alone in that.  But let’s just choose to hold on to the time that we do have, even when it’s flying by.

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“You don’t want to be flattered and become big-headed by getting awards. But, well, I am.” ~Johnny Vegas

Dang it, don of all trades… Why’d you have to go and do something nice like nominating me for the Liebster Award?  While I love recognition (who doesn’t???), I don’t love having to do all the work that comes with it.  Kidding… relax.  I’m not an ungrateful witch all the time.  Seriously though, I’m honored that a blogger like myself, with a sad, sad stats page, has been noticed by ‘The Man.’  (That’s how ardenrr and I refer to you, by the way.  You’re our dookie fresh blog hero.)  So, without stalling any further so I don’t have to keep working on this difficult blog, I thank you!!!

Okay peeps, here are the rules to this award that recognizes new bloggers (with less than 200 followers) who may perhaps be as obsessed with their stats as I.  Whoa!  Wait a minute!  What the heck??  Way to remind me of the fact that I still have less than 200 followers.  Hmphh.

Source: Generator Meme

Okay, wait – my insecurities are getting me sidetracked.  Where was I?  Oh yeah.  The rules.  Here they are:

1.  Thank the blogger who nominated you for the Liebster Award, and link back to their blog.  Don’t harass her and give her a hard time like I did to my nominator.

2.  Answer the 11 questions that your nominator asks you.

3.  Post 11 facts about yourself.  Now you’re beginning to see why my thankfulness over this whole nomination business was a little iffy, right?

4.  Nominate 11 bloggers of your own whom you think deserve to be put through the same torture that you’re in right now.  Remember – their number of followers has to be nearly as pathetic as yours.  Comment on their blogs so they know they’re the chosen ones.

5.  Create 11 questions for your nominees.

6.  And finally… a simple rule: Display the Liebster Award logo on your page.

I’ll start with my answers to ‘The Man’s’ questions.

1.  If you could introduce your husband or boyfriend to someone and had to tell his occupation during the introduction, what would you want that occupation to be?  The Tootsie Pop mascot.  (Give it a few minutes… you’ll get it.)

Source: University of Pennsylvania Career Services

2.  Pancakes or waffles?  Waffles, hands down.  With blueberries and pecans, please.

3.  Favorite professional sports team?  The Gamecocks, of course.  But if they don’t count as professional, then J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS!!!

4.  City in the USA not named New York, Boston, LA, Dallas, Chicago or Miami that you’d like to visit?  D.C. – Believe it or not, I’ve never been there.  (Don’t judge me.)

5.  Vacation time!  Where do you go if it can be anywhere?  St. Croix.  My favorite place on Earth.  [Sigh… I wish I was there right now…]

Photo by Alicia Benton

6.  If you could…if Jesus insisted that you murder one person, who would it be (I’m excluded please) – Well, murder is such a strong word.  Let’s use “whack” instead.  There are two people in front of Ex #1, but for fear of massive amounts of hate mail, I’ll keep those two to myself.  (Hint: One is a douche bag’s politician’s wife, and the other is a crybaby quarterback.  I strongly, strongly dislike both.)  I also want to whack all the people who do these things [link to pet peeve blog].

7.  What’s a regret you have that sometimes eats at you?  That I didn’t go to law school right out of college.  I told myself that I didn’t want to miss the boys’ football and baseball games and stuff like that, and I promised myself I’d go eventually.  Well, you know how that goes… I’m freakin’ 31 now [gasp], and the longer I wait, the harder it is to talk myself into taking the LSAT.  I guess for now I’ll just keep doing all the work while the attorneys make all the money. 

8.  You can change one thing about your husband/boyfriend.  What is that thing?  Hmm… In light of question #7 above, I’ll just stick with the safe answer and say that I would change the fact that he’s a Gay-dor fan.  (Go Gamecocks!!!)

9.  When’s the last time you were drunk?  Sadly, I don’t have much of a social life, and my life’s not quite so pathetic that I feel the need to drink alone.  So really?  I can’t remember.  [smh…]

Source: someecards

10.  What would you do for a Klondike bar?  Don’t get too excited… I wouldn’t do much.  Not a big fan.

11.  Best thing you’ve ever eaten?  Wow.  This is tough.  Probably the shrimp and grits from Bubba’s Love Shak.  But I ***love*** food, so I love a lot of what goes in my mouth.  [Go ahead… Get it out of your system, perv.]  And no…In case you’re wondering – I’m not fat.  Or even slightly overweight.  So there.

Whew!  Now that that’s over with, I can think of 11 ways to try to make you like me.

1.  I have terrible judgment.  To be so damn smart, I apparently can’t make a wise life decision if it kills me.  Go figure…

Source: someecards

I’ll be the QUEEN of experience at this rate…

— Oops.  I’m supposed to be trying to make you like me.  Fail. —

2.  I sleep naked.  Seriously.  I hate waking up with my pants all bunched up around my thighs and those weird creases all over me from my pjs.

3.  I’ve only flown twice.  Once to Buffalo and once to St. Croix.  How pathetic.  (But I loved it and wish I could fly everywhere.)

4.  I love amusement parks.  I’m like a big kid when I’m around roller coasters and funnel cakes!

5.  I really really REALLY want a boob job.  Badly.

Holy crap, am I really only on #5?  Ugh…

6.  I love all things football.  I yell at the TV during games, I jump up and down, and I love to talk trash to Cowgirl and Clemsux fans.

Source: someecards

7.  Sometimes, when I get nervous, I stick my hands under my armpits and then I smell them…

Source: Superstar

8.  I love BINGO.  Sometimes I take my Grandma to go play just so I can use her as an excuse for my obsession.

9.  I put both socks on first, and then I put my shoes on.  And I tie my shoes with two bunny ears and not that stupid loop-around thingy.

10.  I’m left-handed.  That automatically makes me cool. And smart.  And funny.  And talented.

So, what do you think?  Do you love me now?

Now, for the moment you’ve all been waiting for… (drum roll, please…)  My 11 nominees for the Liebster Award are —

1.  “Normal” is the New Boring – We have a ton of stuff in common – She loves her son, Bob Marley, photography, southern cooking, caffeine, and reality TV.  It sounds like she could be my long-lost twin!  AND… she’s a great mommy! 🙂

2.  Just Another Canadian Gurl – She’s a fighter, and when life knocks her down, she punches it in the face, gets back up, and keeps on truckin’.  And best of all, she actually used the phrase “killer vajajay” in one of her posts.  That, folks, deserves an award!

3.  My Fair Diary – She gives life lessons.  I need life lessons.

4.  Vintage45s Blog – Who doesn’t love old movies and music?

5.  The Cutter Rambles – He almost fought a goose once, he devoted an entire post to why M.C. Hammer is better than Vanilla Ice, and he watches Wrestlemania.  What’s not to love here?

6.  Brickhouse101’s Blog – I, like her, am hopelessly guarded and am surrounded by walls.  I respect her already.

7.  This is Me – I must admit that I’m a little jealous of her, and I plan to live vicariously through her travels.  I can’t wait to hear about all the amazing adventures she has in store for her in this newest chapter of her life.

8.  here and there – Other than the fact that she went to Alabama, her life is pretty fascinating.  The photos from her time in the Peace Corps are amazing.

9.  The Irrefutable Opinion – No one can argue with death by sedatives over being eaten alive by zombies, right?

10.  Where Words Fail… – I, too, am a lover of music and believe wholeheartedly that there is no emotion that music can’t reach.  I also love most of her favorite things.  Except cats.  I hate cats.

11.  whiny baby – She’s all the things I’m not.  That’s awesome.

And finally, the part for all you awesome blogger nominees.  Here are your questions:

1.  Why did the chicken cross the road?

2.  M&Ms: plain or peanut?

3.  What’s your favorite joke?

4.  Best pick-up line?

5.  Early bird or night owl?

6.  Freddy or Jason?

7.  How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?

8.  Favorite pizza toppings?

9.  Favorite smell?

10.  Can money buy love?

11.  What song is it impossible not to dance to?

Again, thanks to don of all trades for the nomination and to all of you for holding your applause until the end.

“The young have aspirations that never come to pass, the old have reminiscences of what never happened.” ~Saki

People say that dreams and goals are what keep us going.  As I sit here and ponder that, I also can’t help but think about how my goals have changed after having children.  If you have kids, you probably know exactly what I’m talking about.  If you don’t, you may wonder just how much a person’s dreams can possibly change.  Well, let me explain it to you…

Goal Before Kids:  To save up enough money to go to law school
Goal After Kids:  To save up enough money to send both kids to school with lunch money on the same day

Goal Before Kids:  To make time to travel abroad
Goal After Kids:  To make time to pee

Goal Before Kids:  To learn to speak French fluently
Goal After Kids:  To learn to speak “tween” fluently (See here for “Tween 101”)

Goal Before Kids:  To retire by the age of 40
Goal After Kids:  To get my kids out of my house by the age of 40

Goal Before Kids:  To get a job right out of school
Goal After Kids:  To keep a job (Thanks, Mr. Pres…)

Goal Before Kids:  To have a big, beautiful house
Goal After Kids:  To have a tiny house so it is easier to shove everything under the bed and make it appear beautiful

Goal Before Kids:  To have good credit
Goal After Kids:  To have any credit (Thanks, sperm donor…)

Goal Before Kids:  To look fabulous in a bikini
Goal After Kids:  To make sweats look fabulous

Goal Before Kids:  To not let my gym membership expire
Goal After Kids:  To not let my library card expire

Pitiful, right?  But at least I still have goals!  As Lewis Carroll says in Alice in Wonderland:

Cat:  Where are you going?
Alice:  Which way should I go?
Cat:  That depends on where you are going.
Alice:  I don’t know.
Cat:  Then it doesn’t matter which way you go.

Make goals.  Have dreams.  If you can’t reach them right now, make new ones.  You’ll reach them eventually (or at least be able to blog about them) – Don’t ever give up!!!

BEFORE KIDS:

Photo by Leslie Dobbe Photography

Photo by Leslie Dobbe Photography

AFTER KIDS:

Photo by Leslie Dobbe Photography

Photo by Leslie Dobbe Photography

“Despite being what would now be called a deprived child in a one parent family, I did not grow up with an urge to smash windows or to bash old ladies over the head in order to steal handbags.” ~Eva Hart

Photo by Alicia Benton

Single parenting is H-A-R-D work!!!  I mean, parenting with a partner is tough, but single parenting is the hardest job on the face of the planet.  There are days when I don’t know if I can even get out of the bed for fear of bursting into tears the moment someone speaks to me.  Now, don’t get me wrong… I don’t want a pity party, and I’m not looking for sympathy.  I’m just amazed by every single parent I meet.  Seriously.  I think that single parents are secretly superheroes in disguise.

Superheroes:

Are Strong:  Have you ever carried in 100 bags of groceries (50 on each arm) by yourself while the kids are pushing you over to try to find the one with the Cheez-Its in it?  A single parent has.

Are Brave:  Have you ever had to get out of the bed to kill a giant, man-eating spider by yourself [what?!] because the kids are already asleep?  A single parent has.  (And let me tell you… that’s brave.)

Are Intelligent:  Have you ever had to remember what x equals if a is three, b is five, and c is purple over fifteen years after learning it the first time?  A single parent has.

Have Special Powers:  Do you have eyes in the back of your head and super-sensitive hearing that help you divert crayon-all-over-the-walls disasters before they happen?  A single parent does.

Wear Costumes:  Have you ever had to go out in public in a bathrobe and one slipper, with fruit snacks in your hair in order to get the cupcakes your kid promised the teacher he’d bring to school this morning but just told you about ten minutes ago?  A single parent has.

Earn Respect:  Have you ever been grocery shopping and have people look at you in amazement because you can unload the cart, pay, pick up the fifty packs of gum that just “fell for no reason,” and not manage to lose the kids all at the same time?  A single parent has.

Are Athletic:  Can you carry a kid on one hip, a baseball bag on the other, have a good hold on another kid’s hand, all while running full-speed through the parking lot so they’re not late for practice?  A single parent can.

Have a Sidekick:  Do you constantly have someone on your heels at all times, sticking their little fingers under the bathroom door while you’re trying to enjoy three seconds in peace and quiet pee?  A single parent does.

Are Role Models:  Do you have impressionable little people watching your every move and listening to every word that comes out of your mouth, just waiting with bated breath for the second they get to do exactly what you just did?  A single parent does.

Have a Weakness:  Do you risk the chance of acquiring the world’s largest ulcer because you’re constantly worried sick about who your kid is becoming, who they’re talking to, hanging out with, what they’re learning about from the hoodlums they go to school with, whether they’re safe, etc., etc. (you get the drift)?  A single parent does.

Use Gadgets:  Have you ever had the joy of sitting on the floor until your knees no longer work, putting 10,000 Lego pieces together, only to have your masterpiece smashed to smithereens thirty minutes later?  A single parent has.

Have an Arch Enemy:  Have you ever had to explain your every move and pure motive to an “ex,” who is dying for you fail and will never ever admit that you’re actually doing a pretty good job raising kids?  A single parent has.

Have a Hideout:  Have you ever pretended having to poop just so you could sit in the bathroom by yourself for an extra ten minutes in peace and quiet?  A single parent has.

Have an Alter Ego:  Have you ever been referred to as “Mom,” “Hey Mom,” “Mommy,” “Mom,” “Ma,” “Hey Mom” (or “Dad,” “Hey Dad,” “Daddy,” “Dad,” “Hey Dad”)  more times in a day than you have by your real first name?  A single parent has.

Have a Love Interest:  Have you ever felt a love so whole and complete you couldn’t imagine your life without the ones who filled you with that love or remember your life before it?  A single parent has.

Have a Cool Ride:  Do you drive a vehicle that can fit twice as much cargo and old french fries in it as the manual in the glove compartment says it can?  A single parent does.

Have a Goal:  Have you ever dreamed about the night you may actually get to go out with fellow adults and have adult beverages and adult conversations without worrying that your kids are going to go bat-poop-crazy on each other while you’re gone?  A single parent has.

To all single parents – You are my superheroes.  I hope your kids grow up to be as resilient and tough as you are.

“I’d learned that some things are best kept secret.” ~Nicholas Sparks

Photo by Alicia Benton

Photo by Alicia Benton

Ten secrets my kids don’t know about me:

1.  I am absolutely TERRIFIED of the world in which they’re growing up.  Murders, drugs, gangs, bullying, lack of respect, Liberals…

2.  I wonder every day if I’m failing as a mom.  Do all moms wonder if they’re doing a good job or ruining their kids for life?

3.  I’m broke.  No, seriously…

4.  I’m worried about whether I’ll ever be that mother-in-law.  You know – the monster who hates any female who tries to steal her son from her.

5.  It breaks my heart every morning that I drop them off at school and don’t get to walk them to their classes anymore.  Psycho.  I know, I know.

6.  They’re my heroes.  [See why here.]

7.  I really don’t have eyes in the back of my head.  They still wonder, to this day, how it is that I know every time they’re doing something they shouldn’t be.  (I’m just awesome like that, I guess.)

8.  I’m not really counting down the days until they move out.  In fact, in reality, I’m dreading it.  What will my purpose in life be when I’m no longer needed as a 24-hour-a-day referee?

9.  I don’t really sit around all day and think about how to make their lives miserable.  I don’t know if they’d believe this one since I’m often known as “The Meanest Mom in the World.”

10.  I love Bruno Mars.  If they knew that, then they would decide that they hated him, and we wouldn’t get to listen to him in the car anymore.

Someday (hopefully no time within the next 40 15 years) they’ll have little munchkins of their own, and then I’ll finally sit down and share my secrets with them.  By then, they’ll have their own secrets to keep from nosey little ears (and not just from me).  How terrifying refreshing will that day be?!