Tag Archives: cliques

“If looks could have killed, [she] would have been bleeding profusely from the forehead.” ~Julia Quinn

Have you ever disliked someone so much that EVERYTHING they do drives you INSANE?  Well, I know you find this hard to believe, but I do dislike someone that much.  (Shocker, I know…)  And, based solely on the death glares she gets from me, I’m pretty sure it’s no secret to her.

Source: Rotten eCards

Source: Rotten eCards

It’s this particular person’s own fault that she is so disliked, I might add.  She’s one of those people who knows everything about everything.  Even that the vending machine doesn’t accept MasterCard, even though there’s a big fat sticker plastered on the front that says “We accept Visa, MasterCard, American Express, and Discover.”  Yet, she’ll sit there and argue with you about how the sticker must be wrong.  Really???

Well that’s really only the beginning of her obnoxiousness.  Let me share some more with you, as misery loves company, right??  Of course.  As don of all trades once so eloquently asked, “Who doesn’t love fat women stories?

1.  She wears capris.  She should never – EVER – wear capris.  The bottoms of her legs look like uncooked turkey legs.  And I mean those GIANT turkey legs.  Like they have at the fair every fall.  If I have to see those suckers again, I may just have no choice but to become a vegetarian.

2.  She breathes too loud.  At any given time of the day, you would swear she just ran a 5k.  She sounds like she swallowed Darth Vader.  Please… stop breathing!!!

Key words here: "hold it for twenty minutes"

Key words here: “hold it for twenty minutes”

3.  She clears her throat like there may be a small animal in there.  Well, wait.  There may be…  It’s not a polite little “ahem,” by the way.  It’s a full-blown, “Let’s see what I can cough up today” throat-clearing.  And she doesn’t do it like only once a day.  It’s every five minutes.  And it’s GROSS!

4.  She has the most annoying accent EVER.  People, I’m from New York.  (Thankfully I am now quite the Southern Belle, however, right?)  I understand that people from different places speak differently.  But this is no normal northern accent.  This is different.  This is nasal, twangy, whiny, disgustingness.  In fact, the only reason I even know she’s from the north is because she doesn’t ever shut up about “Well in New York, they do it this way – In New York, they do it that way…”  Why don’t you just shut up and go back to New York?!

Source: The Keep Calm-O-Matic

Source: The Keep Calm-O-Matic

5.  She chews like a cow.  Seriously.  Sometimes, I think she eats the bag when she’s done with the chips.  Dang, I know chips are crunchy, but she gets a little carried away.

Source: someecards

Source: someecards

6.  As I mentioned above, she knows everything about everything.  At least she thinks she does…  No, girl – South Carolina’s capital is NOT Charleston.  No, girl, President Obama is NOT a Republican.  No girl, Diet Coke will NOT make you skinny.  Why you gotta act like you know when you don’t know?  (Thanks, Ben Folds…)

Source: Meme Generator

Source: Meme Generator

Please know that this is not even close to an exhaustive list of everything this girl does that causes me to strongly dislike her.  But I’ll stop here so that you don’t think that I’m really just an angry, bitter person.  I’m not.  Really.  I’ve found the secret to true happiness and removing all anger from my life.  And I plan to live by that secret:

Source: someecards

Source: someecards

Lesson for the day – – Don’t make me hate you.  I don’t hold my tongue well.  Thanks in advance.

Source: Bad Idea T-Shirts

Source: Bad Idea T-Shirts

“Yeah, I love being famous. It’s almost like being white, y’know?” ~Chris Rock

So, at this point you’ve all seen enough pictures of my kids to know they’re biracial.  And beautiful.  I don’t like to brag, but I do have two of the most beautiful boys on the planet.  I’m just sayin’…

 Something you may not yet know about me from reading my blog, though, is that I don’t see color.  (Well, other than the fact that white boys just cannot dance, of course…)  I honestly just don’t notice it.  I hate love all people.

Source: imgfave.com

Source: imgfave.com

So when someone makes a comment that can be construed as quasi-racist, it always surprises me and catches me off guard.  (Minus the dancing observation, of course…)  A few Fridays ago, two of my favorite girlfriends and I went to happy hour after work.  [Side note: One of those girls has an amazing blog that you should totally check out here.]  We were having a blast just unwinding from a hellacious week at work and had no worries at the moment.  That’s when I run into another friend there who wants to introduce me to the dude he was there with:

Other Friend:  “Alicia, this is so-and-so.  So-and-So, this is Alicia.”

Other Friend’s Friend:  “Nice to meet you, Alicia.  Do you have any kids?”

Me:  “Nice to meet you too, So-and-So. Yes, I have two boys.  What about you?”

Other Friend’s Friend:  “Oh, that’s neat – I have two girls!”

Me:  “Cool!  Here’s a picture of my boys.”

Other Friend’s Friend:  “Oh… Wow.”

Me:  “Wow what?” [Thinking it’s because I look much too young to have children that old.]

Other Friend’s Friend:  “Uh, they’re black!”

Me:  “What?!  Did you really just say that?!  Did that seriously just come out of your mouth?!”

Other Friend’s Friend:  “Um, no, uh, that’s not what I meant.  Uh…um…”

Me:  “No need to explain.” [Turning to Other Friend…] “Dude, your friend is a son-of-a-!@#$%, and you really need to make some new friends.”

Wonderful end to that conversation.  And it was at that moment that I remembered why it was that I went out with my girlfriends in the first place: Because I don’t like anyone else.

Do people STILL really think like So-and-So does?!  Helloooo!!!  It’s 2013!!!  I forgot when I chose to have children that they may actually have to deal with jackasses growing up who still haven’t figured out that we all bleed the same color.  And it breaks my heart for them.  They’re so innocent, and yet they have to deal with people obviously so insecure with themselves that they take it out on others.

In fact, when Gerald’s best friend’s mom heard about Gerald from her son for the first time, she actually said, “Oh, his name is Gerald?  Well that’s not a black name…”  Are you kidding me?!  So I didn’t name my kids Bon Qui Qui AND they’re well-spoken and well-mannered… Whaaaat?!  It’s really very sad that when they go to college, it’ll benefit them to be “black” and when they submit their resumes, it’ll benefit them to be “white.”  Is this really the world we live in in the 21st century?  I’m afraid so.  [Shake my head…]

Source: lunapic_135698468820535_2

Source: lunapic_135698468820535_2

My challenge for you today if you have this secret problem:  Go talk to someone who’s different than you.  Start a conversation with him.  Shoot, hug him even.  You might be surprised and realize you’re actually very similar.  Hmm, imagine that…

Source: epicdemotivational.com

Source: epicdemotivational.com

“Why are you trying so hard to fit in when you were born to stand out?” ~Ian Wallace

20121031_172630I don’t understand what all the hype is about fitting in with some overrated clique.  For me personally, I don’t want to be where I don’t feel like I’m not wanted for who I am.  Am I crazy?  When I watch Gerald and Ronald, I’m amazed at the differences between them when it comes to belonging.  Gerald is my child whom I can always count on to come home with a crazy, albeit urgent, request for the latest fad.  You know those necklaces that baseball players wear?  Well he has every team.  Elite socks?  He has every color.  My poor child would have had a Justin Bieber haircut at one point in his life if his quasi-afro would’ve cooperated.  Every time he comes to me with a new request, and I ask him why he has to have this latest “thing,” he tells me (with no shame) that “all of his friends have it.”  Ronald, on the other hand, loves being different.  His full-blown afro is the biggest I’ve ever seen… and he just asked me if I can dye it purple!  No kidding…  He never [ever] matches when he goes to school in the morning, and when Gerald tells him that, his response is always, “I don’t care.”  Now, being my overly controlling self, I used to have a terrible time letting him walk out of the house wearing orange shorts, a green shirt, and sneakers without shoelaces, but I finally came to the conclusion that if that’s what makes him happy, then I’ll learn to pick my battles.  Believe me when I tell you, there are countless more battles waiting for me every day with these two!  They’re pretty much even when it comes to friends and popularity, so what’s the difference with one conforming and the other paving his own way?  They’re both happy children (except when I’m the worst mom ever and they’re not getting their own way), and they’re loved by their family, friends, and teachers.  I have to admit:  They’re teaching me some crazy valuable life lessons.  It’s okay to be different.  And it’s okay to be the same, too.  We should all do what makes us comfortable, regardless of what everyone else thinks about it.  Thanks boys.

Tiffany Kleiman ~ Author

“I don’t care if a reader hates one of my stories, just as long as s/he finishes the book.” ~ Roald Dahl, WD

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