Category Archives: Society

Why I’ll Never be a Liberal Nut Job … In Pictures


Guys, before you scroll any farther, let me just preface this post by telling you that IT’S JUST A JOKELighten up.  Chill out.  Relax.  Take a chill pill.  Don’t have a cow.  Calm down.  Take it easy.  Cool your jets.  Simmah’ down now.  Chillax.  Don’t get your panties in a bunch.

Source: Tumblr

Source: Tumblr

Because the fruits of everything I bust my butt so hard for end up in the hands of the lazy freeloaders anyway.

Source: Conservative Calling

Source: Conservative Calling

Because only about 25% of welfare recipients are actually searching for jobs like they’re supposed to.

Source: Ebay

Source: Ebay

Because those on welfare can do drugs, but I can’t because I’ll lose my job.

Source: someecards

Source: someecards

Because Al Gore is a moron.

Source: Politifake

Source: Politifake

Because one can choose to save turtle eggs, but not babies that are several months into a pregnancy.

Source: Doblelol

Source: Doblelol

Because just because I have a gun doesn’t mean I’m a psycho murderer.

Source: Common Sense Evaluation

Source: Common Sense Evaluation

Because my insurance is expensive enough.  I shouldn’t have to pay for yours, too.

Source: Covert Conservatives

Source: Covert Conservatives

Because I don’t support terrorism.

Source: Facebook

Source: Facebook

Because I value my privacy.

Source: The League of Ordinary Gentlemen

Source: The League of Ordinary Gentlemen

Because it can’t still be Bush’s fault.

Source: Meme Generator

Source: Meme Generator

Because one can get arrested for hunting without a license, but not for entering and staying in the U.S. illegally.

Because no American should bow to the King of Saudi Arabia.

Source: Above Top Secret

Source: Above Top Secret

Because I haven’t had even one vacation in years.

Source: Frugal Cafe

Source: Frugal Cafe

Because 9/11 was no damn joke.

Source: E-Nough

Source: E-Nough

Because I don’t need a script to get through life.

Source: I'm So Famous

Source: I’m So Famous

Because our national debt is already pitiful enough.

Source: The Foundry

Source: The Foundry

Because not everything is a damn racial issue.

Source: The Other McCain

Source: The Other McCain

Because I believe in respecting our flag.

Source: Soda Head

Source: Soda Head

Because as you know, I can’t stand a liar.

Source: The Comical Conservative

Source: The Comical Conservative

Because we don’t need the government to tell us what to think about everything.

Source: Punk Rock Libertarians

Source: Punk Rock Libertarians

Because I don’t take my freedoms for granted.

Source: Soda Head

Source: Soda Head

Because I can’t afford higher taxes.

Source: Randy Glasbergen

Source: Randy Glasbergen

Because Michael Moore disgusts me.

Source: Soda Head

Source: Soda Head

Because Nancy Pelosi scares the crap out of me.

 

Source: Break

Source: Break

Because I love Chick-Fil-A too much.

Source: lolVirgin

Source: lolVirgin

Because I will never be caught driving a Prius.

Source: Imgur

Source: Imgur

Remember, friends… This is not that serious.  It’s just a joke.  Relax.  It’s one of the beauties of being an American… We have free speech!!!

Source: The Meme Page

Source: The Meme Page

 

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“Why you got to go and f*ck with the program?” ~Fruit


So the hubs and I have decided to make another run through HBO’s The Wire because it’s one of our all-time favorite shows.  As we watched the first season again for the umpteenth time, I started to wonder whether a Hamsterdam would really work here in America.

For those of you who don’t know, Hamsterdam was modeled after the Dutch city, Amsterdam, which has extremely liberal drug laws.  The “H” only came along after a dealer misheard an officer in the show, but that’s neither here nor there.

The idea behind Hamsterdam was the de facto legalization of dealing drugs, as well as prostitution, within a few nearly abandoned blocks of the city.

As with all things, there are both positive and negative effects to “legalizing” certain crimes in a small area.  Let’s discuss them.

We’ll start with the pros of such legalization:

Reduced Street Crime Around the Rest of the City

If the vast majority of drug use, dealing, and prostitution was done in a “quarantined” area, the amount of crime in the other areas of the city would decrease.  As a result, the high traffic areas of a particular city for tourists would ideally remain untouched and crime-free.  This, obviously, looks good for the city, as well as for its political leaders.

Increased Amounts of Health and Social Services

If the numbers of drug users and prostitutes were concentrated in one small area of the city, the clinics and other services for medical issues, caused as a result of drug use or sex, could be increased to those specific areas in need.  The city could employ a few mobile medical units to treat the people in that one area weekly, or even a few times per month.  The concentration of people participating in such crimes in one small area would likely ensure that more people in need of these services would be reached.

Decreased Numbers of Innocent Victims

If the majority of would-be “criminals” took advantage of Hamsterdam, the number of random, innocent people being victimized by these users and dealers would likely decrease exponentially.  Often, crimes perpetuated by the desire for drug money and sex are crimes of opportunity.  If that opportunity was removed, the criminals would turn to other means to obtain their drugs and sex.  Again, if those things such as prostitution and dealing were legalized in a concentrated area, any resulting crime would also be contained in this area.

Savings in Budget Costs

The de defacto legalization of drugs and prostitution in a small area like Hamsterdam would allow law enforcement agencies to focus their time and money on other crimes being commited throughout the city, rather than on policing and prosecuting such crimes.

Now for the cons of such legalization:

Increased Tax Payer Costs

While it would be beneficial to have the increased medical services in a concentrated area like Hamsterdam, the issue then arises as to who would pay for this medical care.  Obviously, the crack heads and the crack whores won’t be able to, which leaves taxpayers with the financial burden.  I don’t know about you, but I can barely pay my own bills, much less help Peter Perv pay to get his rocks off.

No Increase in City Income

Unlike legalizing and regulating something like marijuana statewide, allowing the de facto legalization of drugs and prostitution in a small area, such as Hamsterdam, the city would be unable to collect any revenue from taxing these things.  While it would save some revenue, it wouldn’t create any new revenue for the city.

Wars Over Turf

Creating an area like Hamsterdam where “everything goes” creates a nightmare for dealers.  Poor things.  How are they supposed to make their money when their southside competition is dealing right beside them?  This will cause a bigger nightmare for city officials than just drugs and sex.

Increased Homicides

One of those larger nightmares for the city would be murders, no doubt.  When Carl Crackhead runs out of crack or when those eastside thugs intrude on the westsiders turf, there’s sure to be bigger problems than containing the drug trade to within a few blocks.  While it may be fairly easy to keep the drugs and hoes under wraps from the rest of the state, I imagine doing so for the increased homicides will be a little more difficult.

Source: theguardian

Source: theguardian

So what have we learned here, folks?  While the idea of a local Hamsterdam appears brilliant from a distance, it’s a big old mess up close.  And I’m sure as hell not using my hard-earned money to help Suzie Slut get treated for the clap.

What do you think?  Is de facto legalization of certain crimes in a specified, cordoned-off area a good idea?


The People of ‘Merica


By now, we’ve all seen the People of Walmart emails with the shameful pictures of the creatures who can be found shopping there on any given day.

Well, folks, believe me when I tell you that those same creatures aren’t just found in the local Walmart.  No sir… Those are the People of ‘Merica.  And here are some of the best of them that I saw yesterday while we were enjoying our Fourth of July.

The Dancing Couples

Couple # 1 – And yes… He is grinding on her from behind.

 

Couple # 2 – Clearly, they are friends with Couple # 1.

The Old Ladies

These old girls are cutting a rug and don’t care who’s watching!

The Pimp

Notice the cane,  hoes ladies…

The Drunk White Chicks

A few too many drinks, and we all think we can dance.

Guess what ladies… we can’t!

The Good Ole’ Redneck Boys

“Squirrel brains make you smart.” ~Miss Kay

Nice boots.

Nice boots, Cowboy.

The Catwoman

Meow, boys…

The Cat…man

The Hippie

Tie die and stretch pants with holes???  Shut up!

The Parent of the Year

Between the diaper sagging down to the ground and the plethora of mosquito bites, I’d say mom and dad are in the running for best parents.

The Chunky Monkeys

Someone go fix me a sammich.

Yep… that’s most definitely her fat roll hanging out of the bottom of her shirt.

And her drawers hanging out of the top of her pants.

And last, but not least…

For some of the People of ‘Merica, there are just no words…

No, that's not her belt...

No, that’s not her belt…

I’m damn proud to be from the good ole’ U S of A.  Aren’t you??!

Source: The Berry

Source: The Berry


“Racism is so universal in this country, so widespread, and deep-seated, that it is invisible because it is so normal.” ~Shirley Chisholm


Source: hayspost.com

Source: hayspost.com

Before I start with my “ignorant quote of the weekend” story, I want to take a second to thank all the men and women who have died bravely serving our Country.  Also, thank you to those who are currently fighting for the freedoms that we take advantage of daily.  It is thanks to YOU that we can even write these blogs and share our honest feelings.  And it is thanks to YOU that I could spend my weekend lying on a beach, enjoying the perfect weather, while you spent yours in a desert hell, never knowing whether you’ll be safe the next second and counting down the days until you can be back home with your families and friends.  THANK YOU.  We owe you our lives and our freedoms.

Okay, so now to my unbelievable weekend story…

Father Figure, the kids, and I went to the beach yesterday to enjoy our perfect, 80-degree weather here in beautiful Charleston.

At this particular beach, you can’t have dogs on the beach from 10 to 6.  While I love dogs, I think that this was probably a good idea yesterday because it was packed.  Everyone was enjoying their last day of the long weekend, and there was hardly an empty spot on the beach from all the people.  It would have been miserably full if everyone had their dogs out there, too.  So a cop came up to a couple who was on the beach right in front of us and told them that they needed to come back without their dog or could come back with her after 6.

I admit that I did feel kind of bad for them because they had just gotten all of their stuff unpacked and settled on the beach, their kids had just gotten in the water, and their big old fat dog was adorable.  She was just lying there, enjoying the sand and the sun, and she looked like a big baby.  She wasn’t running around or barking like crazy; she was the perfect dog.

After they were told they couldn’t have Luna (the dog) on the beach with them, they started packing up.  Paw went to get the kids out of the water, and Maw was trying to pack everything up with one hand while holding Luna’s leash with the other.  Like a sweet southern belle, I got my lazy butt out of my beach chair and offered to help Maw by holding Luna while she finished packing up their towels, toys, and cooler.

She thanked me and then proceeded to tell me that she was from somewhere in North Carolina and that they didn’t want to leave Luna at their hotel all day.  She said that it really sucked that they had to leave because the day before, they had gone to a different beach in the area where dogs are allowed at any time of day, but that they didn’t like it there because of the “type of people” who were there.

I assumed that “type of people” meant maybe rich and snobby since we live in a pretty affluent area, and these folks sounded pretty country.  I also assumed that maybe someone hassled them about their dog since Luna was pretty big and wasn’t a small frou-frou lapdog.

Anyway, I stayed and chatted with Maw while she finished packing up, and then her boyfriend came back from the water with the kids.  Paw introduced himself, grumbled about them having to leave, and then he told me his version of why he hated the other beach that they visited the day before.

And when he did… I finally started to understand who the “other type of people” referred to.

Here’s what he said [read with your best country/redneck accent]:

“Yeah, we went up to that other beach over yonder yesterday, and the whole damn beach was full a’ those watermelons.”

Huh???  What did that mean?  Why was the beach full of watermelons?  The Watermelon Festival isn’t this weekend, and it’s not at the beach, is it?  Why wouldn’t people throw their rinds in the trash?  Why would they even bring watermelon to the beach?  Doesn’t it get all sandy and make a sticky mess?

Then, Maw cut in and cleared it up for me a little [again, read with your best country/redneck accent]:

“Yeah, those damn watermelons and pit bulls… The whole beach was full of ‘em.”

What?!  The beach was full of watermelons and pit bulls?  How strange.  I don’t see many pit bulls on the beach when I go, and there certainly isn’t trash all over the beach.  How strange…

Paw made another comment that I think was supposed to be funny because he laughed his best redneck beer-belly laugh, and suddenly a light went off…

They weren’t really talking about watermelons and pit bulls.  That was their best euphemism for black people!!!  And isn’t a euphemism supposed to be used instead of something that can be found offensive?

At this point, I couldn’t even believe what I had just listened to.

Source: Newd Magazine

Source: Newd Magazine

These morons were racist!  And they didn’t want to go to the other beach because … wait for it … black people were there!  They said that they would just waste the rest of their vacation hanging out at the hotel’s pool so that they didn’t have to go back to the other beach.  Are you kidding me?!  Clearly these rednecks from the hills of North Carolina had the smallest pea brains in existence.  Father Figure and I just stared at each other in unbelief!

They finished packing and left with their kids and their poor, albeit adorable dog.  As I sat there thinking about this whole conversation after they left, I felt more and more sorry for their poor kids.  They were still young, and it was sad to think that they, too, would probably grow up to be racist idiots just like their parents.

Source: Relativity Online

Source: Relativity Online

I wish that in the middle of their conversation on why they hated the other beach (you know, the one full of watermelons and pit bulls), that my two biracial kids would have walked up and said, “Hey Mom, look at the shell I found!” or something to that effect.  I imagine the looks on Maw and Paw’s faces would have been priceless.

Source: Kefi.co

Source: Kefi.co

It makes me sad to think that this is 2013 and racism and hatred still exist.  You may remember my previous post about racism.  It’s an ever-growing problem.  Unfortunately, it’s not just an issue with race, either.  We see so many stories in the news now about poor kids killing themselves because they’re being picked on and bullied about ridiculous things.  This is NOT okay!!! 

We need to teach our children tolerance and love.  We also need to teach them to stand up for these poor people who are picked on and hated on.  Only our kids can change the future.  As F.D.R. said, “We may not be able to prepare the future for our children, but we can at least prepare our children for the future.”  The place to start is with love and acceptance.  No, we don’t have to agree with everyone’s choices in our increasingly liberal America, but we do have to at least tolerate them.  Set the example.  End racism through unity.  Don’t ignore it – STOP IT!

Source: KULfoto

Source: KULfoto

RACISM

WRONG


“Life’s better when it’s fun. Boy, that’s deep, isn’t it?” ~Kevin Costner


Chick Magnet

Chick Magnet

Some people really need to just lighten up.  I bet if they did, they would probably find life a lot less stressful.  I’m in no way just a jokester or prankster all the time, but I’m still able to laugh a lot of stuff off.  I know when to be serious and when it’s okay to chill out a little.  Some people, however, don’t, and their “offended” button is set at way too sensitive.

For example, The Huffington Post posted an article yesterday about t-shirts that are made for toddlers that are just “shocking,” according to some parents.  People, if you don’t like them, then don’t put them on your kids.  It’s not that difficult – especially at the toddler age, when kids don’t pick out their own clothes and dress themselves.  (Okay, some 35-year-old men don’t do those things either, but that’s a topic for a whole new blog… don’t get me sidetracked.)

The “shocked mom” in the article was appalled at a shirt for a 4-year-old that read “Barely Legal.”  Okay, I get it.  Probably not appropriate for a toddler.  But wait… The mom then says (and I quote), “I grabbed it without even registering what the label said, it just looked like a good night shirt for the summer.  Carried it around for about 5 minutes before I read the text and threw up in my mouth a little.”  Really, lady?  You were buying a shirt for your daughter that you didn’t even READ until five minutes after you picked it up?!  Yet you’re blaming the shirt designer?  Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Source: floresfactor.wordpress.com

Source: floresfactor.wordpress.com

Anyway, at the end of the article, there was a slideshow of pictures of baby clothes that just aren’t appropriate for babies.  According to whom?  Other than this one, I actually thought most of the others were quite funny:

Source: Etsy

Source: Etsy

This one just grossed me out a little.

But tell me, what’s so inappropriate about this one?

Source: Cafe Press

Source: Cafe Press

I actually found it funny.  Did the critics and writers of this article actually think that the designer was insinuating that the child who wore this would eventually grow up to be a no-good hoodlum who would never keep a job, smoke weed every day, and end up being kicked out of his roach-infested apartment?  I mean, c’mon man… I think it’s pretty safe to say that what they really meant was that the kid was just pushed out of mom’s little “apartment.”  What’s so offensive about that?  You want him to stay in there forever?  Isn’t that fostering a future and acceptance of co-dependence?  Certainly we wouldn’t want that.

And then, perhaps my favorite of all of their shameful examples, there was this:  (Which I LOVE, by the way, and wish I had a toddler to put it on.)

Source: Etsy

Source: Etsy

This has got to be the cutest little chubby-baby shirt I’ve ever seen!  But wait!  Stop everything.  Tattoos make people criminals, right?  I have two, so I must be a crack whore at night when I leave my office job, right?  And that guy who works in the office down the hall has one on his arm, so he must be a drug dealer, right?

People, GET A LIFE!!!  If you don’t like it, don’t dress your kid in it.  Otherwise, shut up, and let me parent my future delinquent kid however I see fit.  If you want something to complain about, I’m sure I can give you a hundred good examples of my bad parenting.  The way I choose to dress my kids (with funny sayings on their shirts) is not one of them.  If someone wants to put his toddler in a clever shirt that takes you ten minutes to fully “get,” then you’ll just have to gasp in complete and utter disgust and get over it.

In the meantime, as you stare at my post in outrage, I think I’m going to design a t-shirt with this saying for my tween and my teen:

Source: weheartit.com

Source: weheartit.com

What do you think?  Cool, right?


“I have a social life. But I don’t discuss it.” ~Ed Koch


No, I really don’t have a social life… But it wasn’t until a fellow amazing blogger called me out on my lack of one yesterday that I realized how pathetic my social life really is.  Yes… that’s right.  He told me that Facebook, Twitter, and WordPress don’t count as social life outlets.  What?!  Well, crap.  Where does that leave me???

Source: Zoot Patrol

Source: Zoot Patrol

I’m only 31 [gasp – did I say “only”?], and I have two kids.  In case you didn’t know, a lot of 31-year-olds haven’t even started making babies yet.  At least not many I know.  In fact, several of my girlfriends are still in their late 20s [bitches…] and have had enough sense to remain unwed and childless – at least for now.  That part of them that itches for children lives vicariously through me and my never-ending monster kid stories.  I’m free, non-prescription birth-control!

Source: Dump a Day

Source: Dump a Day

Happy hour for me isn’t the usual 4-6.  It’s 9:30.  Why?  Because 9:30 is bedtime!  Woohoo!

Source: someecards

Source: someecards

And a night out for me isn’t the normal dancing on in a bar.  It’s grocery shopping in Walmart in peace and quiet with no kids.

Date night for me doesn’t usually consist of a romantic dinner and a movie.  It’s delivery pizza with one kid while the other is at a friend’s house.  (Only having one kid at a time guarantees me at least an hour of respect and maybe even a hug and, therefore, qualifies as a date.)

Source: My Name's Not Mommy

Source: My Name’s Not Mommy

Excitement for me isn’t some random guy asking for my phone number.  It’s getting to pee without a kid trying to bang down the door in a desperate attempt to tattle on the other one first.

Source: Laugh Lines

Source: Laugh Lines

A new release to me isn’t the latest movie in the theaters.  Nope.  It’s the TV version of the movie that everyone (except me) saw in the theater five years ago.

Source: Tumblr

Source: Tumblr

To me, vacation isn’t going away to Disney World or some remote island destination.  For me, it’s not having to do twenty loads of laundry in a week because the kids are spending a few days at their grandparents.

Source: The Meta Picture

Source: The Meta Picture

Social networking to me isn’t meeting up with old friends for a drink.  It’s Facebook stalking all my old high school friends and perusing through hundreds of photos of them enjoying their social lives.

Source: SocialDon

Source: SocialDon

Free time for me isn’t spent in a gym working on my abs.  It’s washing my hair.  And maybe even brushing it!

Source: someecards

Source: someecards

“Mom,” to me, isn’t only what I call the woman who gave birth to me.  It’s my first name.

Source: My Tee Spot

Source: My Tee Spot

For me, makeup doesn’t consist of lipstick, eyeliner, mascara, and blush.  It consists of only the concealer used to cover up my dark under-eye circles.

Source: someecards

Source: someecards

For me, relaxing doesn’t mean spending a day at the spa getting a message.  It means blogging… Lucky you!

Moses said I should “get out” more.  Maybe he meant “blog” more while you’re stuck at home with your kids and all your friends are out having fun.  Yes.  I’m quite certain that’s what he meant.  Stupid autocorrect.

Source: someecards

Source: someecards


“If looks could have killed, [she] would have been bleeding profusely from the forehead.” ~Julia Quinn


Have you ever disliked someone so much that EVERYTHING they do drives you INSANE?  Well, I know you find this hard to believe, but I do dislike someone that much.  (Shocker, I know…)  And, based solely on the death glares she gets from me, I’m pretty sure it’s no secret to her.

Source: Rotten eCards

Source: Rotten eCards

It’s this particular person’s own fault that she is so disliked, I might add.  She’s one of those people who knows everything about everything.  Even that the vending machine doesn’t accept MasterCard, even though there’s a big fat sticker plastered on the front that says “We accept Visa, MasterCard, American Express, and Discover.”  Yet, she’ll sit there and argue with you about how the sticker must be wrong.  Really???

Well that’s really only the beginning of her obnoxiousness.  Let me share some more with you, as misery loves company, right??  Of course.  As don of all trades once so eloquently asked, “Who doesn’t love fat women stories?

1.  She wears capris.  She should never – EVER – wear capris.  The bottoms of her legs look like uncooked turkey legs.  And I mean those GIANT turkey legs.  Like they have at the fair every fall.  If I have to see those suckers again, I may just have no choice but to become a vegetarian.

2.  She breathes too loud.  At any given time of the day, you would swear she just ran a 5k.  She sounds like she swallowed Darth Vader.  Please… stop breathing!!!

Key words here: "hold it for twenty minutes"

Key words here: “hold it for twenty minutes”

3.  She clears her throat like there may be a small animal in there.  Well, wait.  There may be…  It’s not a polite little “ahem,” by the way.  It’s a full-blown, “Let’s see what I can cough up today” throat-clearing.  And she doesn’t do it like only once a day.  It’s every five minutes.  And it’s GROSS!

4.  She has the most annoying accent EVER.  People, I’m from New York.  (Thankfully I am now quite the Southern Belle, however, right?)  I understand that people from different places speak differently.  But this is no normal northern accent.  This is different.  This is nasal, twangy, whiny, disgustingness.  In fact, the only reason I even know she’s from the north is because she doesn’t ever shut up about “Well in New York, they do it this way – In New York, they do it that way…”  Why don’t you just shut up and go back to New York?!

Source: The Keep Calm-O-Matic

Source: The Keep Calm-O-Matic

5.  She chews like a cow.  Seriously.  Sometimes, I think she eats the bag when she’s done with the chips.  Dang, I know chips are crunchy, but she gets a little carried away.

Source: someecards

Source: someecards

6.  As I mentioned above, she knows everything about everything.  At least she thinks she does…  No, girl – South Carolina’s capital is NOT Charleston.  No, girl, President Obama is NOT a Republican.  No girl, Diet Coke will NOT make you skinny.  Why you gotta act like you know when you don’t know?  (Thanks, Ben Folds…)

Source: Meme Generator

Source: Meme Generator

Please know that this is not even close to an exhaustive list of everything this girl does that causes me to strongly dislike her.  But I’ll stop here so that you don’t think that I’m really just an angry, bitter person.  I’m not.  Really.  I’ve found the secret to true happiness and removing all anger from my life.  And I plan to live by that secret:

Source: someecards

Source: someecards

Lesson for the day – – Don’t make me hate you.  I don’t hold my tongue well.  Thanks in advance.

Source: Bad Idea T-Shirts

Source: Bad Idea T-Shirts


“C’Mon Man…!!!” ~Monday Night Countdown Crew


You can’t dance to Mumford & Sons like they’re Tupac.  [For a full guide to the white boy’s dance moves, see here.]

— C’Mon Man…!!! —

You can’t make 15 people stand in line behind you at the gas station while you scratch off all 10 lottery tickets to see if you’ve won a dollar.

— C’Mon Man…!!! —

Source: Meme Generator

Source: Meme Generator

 You can’t take up the whole aisle in Walmart’s parking lot waiting for the lady taking her sweet time walking to her car and unpacking her groceries so you can have her spot when you see I’m stuck behind you.

— C’Mon Man…!!! —

Source: XDTalk.com

Source: XDTalk.com

You can’t tell me that Sandra Bullock didn’t date Jesse James for his massive heat-seeking moisture missile.  It certainly wasn’t for his looks… (Thanks, NCFM.)

— C’Mon Man…!!! –

Source: starcasm.net

Source: starcasm.net

You can’t buy steak and lobster with your food stamps card while I’m buying Ramen Noodles with my debit card.

— C’Mon Man…!!! —

Source: Ed Nicholson

Source: Ed Nicholson

You can’t really think you’re going to lose 20 pounds just because you’re drinking a Diet Coke with that Big Mac…

— C’Mon Man…!!! –

Source: quickmeme.com

Source: quickmeme.com

You can’t really believe that you’re going to burn in fiery hell because you didn’t ‘Like’ and ‘Share’ that Facebook picture of Jesus.

— C’Mon Man…!!! —

Source: meme.cc

Source: meme.cc

You can’t cut me off in traffic and then stop right in front of me to make a left turn.

— C’Mon Man…!!! –

Source: Jokideo

Source: Jokideo

You can’t call in sick on Monday after posting pics of your amazing weekend all over Facebook.

— C’Mon Man…!!! –

Source: someecards.com

Source: someecards.com

You can’t try those lies with me.  I was a kid once, too.  I know you didn’t really finish your homework in class. 

— C’Mon Man…!!! –


“Yeah, I love being famous. It’s almost like being white, y’know?” ~Chris Rock


So, at this point you’ve all seen enough pictures of my kids to know they’re biracial.  And beautiful.  I don’t like to brag, but I do have two of the most beautiful boys on the planet.  I’m just sayin’…

 Something you may not yet know about me from reading my blog, though, is that I don’t see color.  (Well, other than the fact that white boys just cannot dance, of course…)  I honestly just don’t notice it.  I hate love all people.

Source: imgfave.com

Source: imgfave.com

So when someone makes a comment that can be construed as quasi-racist, it always surprises me and catches me off guard.  (Minus the dancing observation, of course…)  A few Fridays ago, two of my favorite girlfriends and I went to happy hour after work.  [Side note: One of those girls has an amazing blog that you should totally check out here.]  We were having a blast just unwinding from a hellacious week at work and had no worries at the moment.  That’s when I run into another friend there who wants to introduce me to the dude he was there with:

Other Friend:  “Alicia, this is so-and-so.  So-and-So, this is Alicia.”

Other Friend’s Friend:  “Nice to meet you, Alicia.  Do you have any kids?”

Me:  “Nice to meet you too, So-and-So. Yes, I have two boys.  What about you?”

Other Friend’s Friend:  “Oh, that’s neat – I have two girls!”

Me:  “Cool!  Here’s a picture of my boys.”

Other Friend’s Friend:  “Oh… Wow.”

Me:  “Wow what?” [Thinking it’s because I look much too young to have children that old.]

Other Friend’s Friend:  “Uh, they’re black!”

Me:  “What?!  Did you really just say that?!  Did that seriously just come out of your mouth?!”

Other Friend’s Friend:  “Um, no, uh, that’s not what I meant.  Uh…um…”

Me:  “No need to explain.” [Turning to Other Friend…] “Dude, your friend is a son-of-a-!@#$%, and you really need to make some new friends.”

Wonderful end to that conversation.  And it was at that moment that I remembered why it was that I went out with my girlfriends in the first place: Because I don’t like anyone else.

Do people STILL really think like So-and-So does?!  Helloooo!!!  It’s 2013!!!  I forgot when I chose to have children that they may actually have to deal with jackasses growing up who still haven’t figured out that we all bleed the same color.  And it breaks my heart for them.  They’re so innocent, and yet they have to deal with people obviously so insecure with themselves that they take it out on others.

In fact, when Gerald’s best friend’s mom heard about Gerald from her son for the first time, she actually said, “Oh, his name is Gerald?  Well that’s not a black name…”  Are you kidding me?!  So I didn’t name my kids Bon Qui Qui AND they’re well-spoken and well-mannered… Whaaaat?!  It’s really very sad that when they go to college, it’ll benefit them to be “black” and when they submit their resumes, it’ll benefit them to be “white.”  Is this really the world we live in in the 21st century?  I’m afraid so.  [Shake my head…]

Source: lunapic_135698468820535_2

Source: lunapic_135698468820535_2

My challenge for you today if you have this secret problem:  Go talk to someone who’s different than you.  Start a conversation with him.  Shoot, hug him even.  You might be surprised and realize you’re actually very similar.  Hmm, imagine that…

Source: epicdemotivational.com

Source: epicdemotivational.com


“No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.” ~W. C. Fields


THANK GOD FOR BOYS…  I cannot say that enough!  I love how males can hate each other one minute and then be best friends the next.  Gerald and Ronald can be beating the crap out of each other and literally stop in the middle of their World War 3 to go outside and throw the baseball or football back and forth to each other.  We females, on the other hand, looooove drama.  And holding grudges.  It seems like women’s love for drama doesn’t improve with age, either.    61115_4883228877315_138569966_nFor example, I have an acquaintance [I’m using that term very loosely] who is almost as old as I am, and I really believe that she loves conflict.  She’s one of those women who smiles in your face and tells you what a great friend you are and then tells her other “friends” behind your back all of the terrible things about you (that may not even be remotely true).  I’ve racked my brain trying to figure out why the heck women do this, and the only conclusion I can draw is that their self-esteem is so low that the only way they can feel better about themselves is to bring others down.  Why do we, as women, automatically try to make ourselves look better at someone else’s expense?  Why can’t we do like my boys and just talk about how awesome we are?!  Men pride themselves on having a giant penis… Why can’t we be that simplistic and pride ourselves on having big hair or a big mouth or making the world’s best cookies???  Why do women have to make everything a rivalry?  Again, any rivalry between Gerald and Ronald usually consists of one good sucker punch while the other isn’t looking, and then they’re back to being best buds again.  I watch them as they’re getting older, and their rivalries are seeming to get smaller.  That’s freakin’ awesome!  I wish I could say the same for some of the women with whom I’m “friends.”  Why can’t we just BOTH be awesome?!  Okay… rant over.    


Tiffany Kleiman ~ Author

“I don’t care if a reader hates one of my stories, just as long as s/he finishes the book.” ~ Roald Dahl, WD

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