Category Archives: Movies

“I just don’t think I’m that interesting… To hear me go blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I mean, who… cares?” ~James Gandolfini

Today was James Gandolfini’s funeral.  In remembrance of one of my favorite actors of all time, I’d like to share with you some of my favorite quotes from his characters.  I think you’ll smile as you reminisce with me…

Source: Tribeca Film

Source: Tribeca Film

From “True Romance” (1993):

Virgil: “Now the first time you kill somebody, that’s the hardest. I don’t give a shit if you’re f*ckin’ Wyatt Earp or Jack the Ripper.”

From “Crimson Tide” (1995):

Lt. Bobby Dougherty: “Big ears and a little mustache. Cary Grant.”

From “8MM” (1999):

Eddie Poole: “You’re not gonna kill me. You don’t have it in you. What are you gonna’ do? You gonna’ shoot me with you own gun, huh? Registered in your name? You really f*cking thought this through, didn’t you, genius? You’re gonna’ have to dig the bullets outta’ my head. That’ll be nice, huh? Or you could dig a hole. Dig it with your own hands, and bury me in it next to your f*cking girlfriend. Go ahead. Pull the f*cking trigger… What do you want me to do, start crying like a little baby? ‘Oh, I’m so sorry I killed the little girl.’ Well, f*ck you, and f*ck her! Go ahead! Put me outta’ my f*cking misery! Pull the f*cking trigger! Pull the f*cking trigger! Do it! Do it!”

From “The Man Who Wasn’t There” (2001):

Big Dave Brewster: “I’m all shot to hell.”

From “The Last Castle” (2001):

Col. Winter: “Sometimes the apple does fall far from the tree.”

From “Surviving Christmas” (2004):

Tom Valco: “My family’s not for sale, pal.” [He’s then offered $250,000.] “Welcome home, son.”

Tom Valco: “I’m not wearing the hat. Now get it away from me before I shove it up your ass!”

Tom Valco: “Trust me. What he’s doing up there, nobody’s gonna’ pay him for, ‘cause if they did, I’d have retired at seventeen.”

From “Romance & Cigarettes” (2005):

Nick Murder: “Two, two things a man should know how to do… Be romantic and smoke his brains out.”

Nick Murder: “What are you, a private dick?”

From “Lonely Hearts” (2006):

Det. Hilderbrandt: [When asked what they say about cops and donuts and being told that neither one’s any good without a hole in them.] “They say that about women, too.”

From “The Sopranos” (1999-2007):

Tony [to Carmela while being asked for a $10,000 donation to Meadow’s college of choice]: “Oh yeah? Who know more about extortion? Me or you?”

Tony: “There’s an old Italian saying – You f*ck up once, you lost two teeth.”

Tony: “I wipe my ass with your feelings.”

Tony: “Maybe I should tap into my roots, too. My grandmother was half Indian… She was in the Fakawee tribe… When they used to get lost in the woods, they stopped and said, ‘Where the Fakawee’”

Tony [to Christopher]: “Listen to me. The only reason I did this is because you’re my nephew, and I love you. If it were anybody else, they would’ve gotten that intervention through the back of their f*cking head.”

Tony: “Is everyone in my life f*cking bananas?”

Tony: “What the f*ck’s the matter with you?”

Tony: “All due respect, you got no f*ckin’ idea what it’s like to be Number One. Every decision you make affects every facet of every other f*ckin’ thing. It’s too much to deal with almost. And in the end you’re completely alone with it all.”

Tony: “You don’t shit where you eat. And you really don’t shit where I eat.”

Tony: “I’m like King Midas in reverse. Everything I touch turns to shit.”

From “In The Loop” (2009):

Lt. Gen. George Miller: “No, I didn’t leak it. I’m not like some little gay mercenary running around doing other people’s dirty work.”

Lt. Gen. George Miller: “You’re his little English bitch, and you don’t even know it.”

Lt. Gen. George Miller: “Look, Tucker, you might be some scary little poodle-f*cker over in England, but out here you’re nothing. You know what you look like? A squeezed dick. You got a big blue vein running up your head all the way to the temple. See, that’s where I’d put the bullet. Only I’d have to stand back ‘cause you look like a squirter.”

Lt. Gen. George Miller: “What about you, pussy drip? Ever kill anyone?”

Lt. Gen. George Miller: “Yeah? Why don’t you try to maim me? I’ll hit you so hard in the face you’ll be shitting teeth.”

Lt. Gen. George Miller: “Yes, yes, I wake up and my eyes are closed and my head is swollen and I look like a giant ball sac.”

Lt. Gen. George Miller: “Do you know what I’m gonna’ do? I’m going to take a nice big shit on his desk, just to let him know that I was here.”

Lt. Gen. George Miller: “I’m a soldier! Look at the uniform… What, do you think I’m one of the f*cking Village People?

Lt. Gen. George Miller: “Why don’t you order me some little mammals? A little bunny and a little puppy, and a little cat, so I can twist their f*cking necks off and drink their blood.”

From “Where the Wild Things Are” (2009):

Carol: “…You know what it feels like when all your teeth are falling out really slowly and you don’t realize and then you notice that, well, they’re really far apart? And then one day… you don’t have any teeth anymore?”

Carol: “I don’t talk to owls. Owls are stupid.”

Carol: “And on our way, I can show you your kingdom. This is all yours. You’re the owner of this world. Everything you see is yours. Oh, except that hole over there – that’s Ira’s. The tree’s yours, but the hole is Ira’s. But everything else is yours. Except for that rock over there – that’s not yours. That little rock next to the big rock. But everything else in the kingdom – except for that stick. That little stick right there – that’s not yours. I want you to be king forever, Max.”

From “Welcome to the Rileys” (2010):


Doug Riley: “You know what? You want to parade around here in your birthday suit? If displaying your vagina’s the only way you can feel in control, well you knock yourself out. But I’m tired of your language. Especially the word f*ck and all its various permutations. Now I know it’s your only adjective, but it makes you sound cheap and immature and uneducated. And that may be the truth, but why advertise it?”

Doug Riley: “I guess I’m just not used to being around young women who talk about their private parts.”

Source: Pixelated Dimensions

Source: Pixelated Dimensions

“When you kill time, remember that it has no resurrection.” ~A.W. Tozer

I can’t believe it.  I wasted two valuable hours of my life last night.  I wish I had seen this quote before I made the stupid decision to devote precious hours to a terrible, TERRIBLE movie.  What movie, you ask?  The Final Destination.  You’re probably shocked that 1) I had never seen it before last night and 2) I hated it.  So it started out decent enough to suck me in.  I mean, what’s better than a great Nascar crash, right?  Not only that, but I love horror and suspense movies.  Nick’s premonition of the crash kept me interested enough to put down what else I was doing (playing Bingo on my Kindle) and give the TV my full attention.  [Idiot.]  I only had to watch for 30 minutes before I realized what I wish I had known all along… It sucked!  But at that point, I felt invested and decided to watch until the end.  [Again…Idiot.]  Other than now being a little more paranoid than usual, I hated far more about the movie than I liked.

Source: Meme Center

Source: Meme Center

What I Liked:

1. The gruesome deaths.  I’m not a big fan of super-cushy, feel-good, happily ever after movies.  (Unless they’re made by Disney, and then of course, I expect that.)  It was awesome when the girl in the beginning, at the race, got knocked the !@#$ out by the race car tire that went flying at her head.  I know, I know… The boys already told me I’m sick.

Source: Wikia

Source: Wikia

2. The irony. There was nothing I enjoyed watching more than the racist, disgusting, redneck dude get dragged down the street by his own truck after attempting to burn a cross in the black dude’s yard.  How’s that for irony?

3. The ability to make me even a little paranoid.  I will now make dang sure my shoelaces are tied before I step foot on an escalator.

Source: Meme Center

Source: Meme Center

What I Hated:

The redonkulousness.  You can’t tell me that it was even possible to figure out in what order all these people would have died.  I don’t care how slow you play back the video footage in a crash and explosion like the raceway one… The fact that they were able to figure out the impossible (and yet were still just plain stupid) did nothing but tick me off.

The unrealisticness.  Yes… like that word.  They had the ability to make me completely paranoid if they had only picked some likely causes of death.  Instead, the mom who escapes death from an exploding hairspray can and a falling ceiling fan ends up dying when the rock from the lawnmower smashes her in the eye.  And the dude who just missed getting smashed by the truck at the body shop ends up getting nailed by a flying oxygen tank rocket and diced to death by the metal fence.  C’mon man!!!

Source: The Inquisitr

Source: The Inquisitr

The “Are you freaking kidding me” parts.  The kid at the pool had his organs sucked out of his butthole by the pool drain?  Really???  My pool can barely suck leaves out of the stinkin’ pool, much less my intestines.  If I do find a drain that powerful, you better believe I’ll be sticking my boobies in that sucker…

Source: Club Doctissimo

Source: Club Doctissimo

They killed George.  Not only did they kill off the token black guy (hey, at least he didn’t die first, right?), but he was actually the only character I could stand.  Well, until he tried to hang himself.  You mean to tell me he couldn’t successfully kill himself by hanging or drowning, but he just happens to get run over by an ambulance right in the hospital parking lot?  Yes, that’s realistic…  

Source: TV Tropes

Source: TV Tropes

The main character was a wussy.  No, this is not the word I’d prefer to use, but sometimes my kids read my blog, so I’ll use this word instead.  When Nick gets nailed to the wall in the mall when nail gun falls, he can’t get his arm free.  You mean to tell me that he can lift a full tank of combustible liquid, but he can’t rip his arm free?  If you saw the place about to explode with you in it, you wouldn’t have ripped your arm off trying to un-nail yourself from the wall???  Not Nick…. Nope – instead he whines like a sissy and just so happens to get the sprinklers to turn on.  I don’t think so… My behind would’ve been out of that mall so fast.  Right arm attached or not.  I mean, come on – In 24, even Chase convinces Jack to cut his dang hand off when they can’t deactivate the detonator on his wrist.  Man up, Nick.  Man up!!!

Source: The Cinematic Intelligence Agency

Source: The Cinematic Intelligence Agency

The carwash scene.  I don’t even know what to say about this part.  Her head gets stuck in her sunroof?  Really?  And why the heck would she have even gone into the carwash if she’d been having problems getting her sunroof to open and close to begin with?  Mooorrrooonnn.  She deserved to get her head stuck and her face washed.

The characters stupidity.  Who in their right mind would celebrate conquering death, after watching twenty other people die, in a place called “Death by Caffeine”?  Hmmmm… I wonder what’s going to happen.  “What if us being here right now was the plan from the beginning?”  Oooh… what if?  [Rolls eyes.]

Source: Quick Meme

Source: Quick Meme

The ending.  If they were going to end up killing every single character off (including poor George – grr), then why the heck didn’t they just save my precious time and just kill them all in the first five minutes of the movie during the race crash?  Then I wouldn’t feel like two potentially amazing hours of my life were forever wasted.  Shame on me for continuing to watch.  Shame on me.

Source: The Zone

Source: The Zone

Tiffany Kleiman ~ Author

“I don’t care if a reader hates one of my stories, just as long as s/he finishes the book.” ~ Roald Dahl, WD

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