Monthly Archives: May 2014

Time Flies


Why is it that when we’re at work the time just drags by, but when it comes to our kids it just flies?

As the school year winds down, I am flooded with emotions, which – I’m quite sure – every mom is.  We watch with disbelief as our babies become young men and women.  We reminisce about the past, and feel a complex mixture of emotions.  We long for their innocence and carefree spirits to return, yet we stand in awe of their newly-forming maturity and responsibility.

I still remember the day, 14 years ago, that Gerald was born.  He was a perfect little seven pound, fifteen ounce miracle.

And the day that Ronald, my baby boy, made his tiny six pound, thirteen ounce entry into our family…

And even still the time when, literally, overnight, I went from having only two kids to four!  Marrying Eugene and blending our families was both the greatest and most difficult thing we’ve ever done.

I get teary-eyed even now as I think of the day we took Gerald to meet his kindergarten teacher, Ronald following his every move through the classroom, wanting to be just like his big brother.  I just couldn’t believe that I had a child who was old enough for school already!

It’s bittersweet as I recall Ronald’s graduation from preschool, when he just couldn’t wait to start “big school” that fall.

As much as I’ve tried to slow down their rush to grow up, I have to admit that I’m fascinated and in awe of seeing their personalities develop and character build.

I’ve watched this year as my step-son’s focus has changed from that of an elementary schooler whose hardest decision in life is what snack to take for lunch to how to start choosing friends wisely.

And I’ve been simultaneously terrified and amazed at my step-daughter’s transition from a carefree tomboy to an actual, real little girl.  She’s begun stressing over what she should wear and how her hair looks.  Trying to calm Daddy down and keep him from having a nervous breakdown has been a chore for me in and of itself!

Ronald will be starting seventh grade in the fall, and if any of you have had a seventh grader, you know that means I’m in for a LOT of hard work, heartache, and a tremendous need for patience!  As is the case with most kids this age, he’s having to learn to balance school with popularity and a social life – all while being completely managed by out-of-control hormones, causing him to feel every range of emotions within a span of five minutes!

And finally, we move to Gerald… Gerald, who just attended his eighth grade dance.  With a girl!  Okay, now it’s my turn to have the nervous breakdown!  I still can’t believe that he starts high school in the fall.  While it’s terrifying to see him mature and become a man, I’m in complete awe of the maturity and responsibility he’s learning.  I’m learning what a fine line there is between being a disciplinarian and a confidante and friend.  And I’m seeing firsthand how difficult it is trying to balance on that line without falling too far to either side.  As parents, we can only hope and pray that we’re raising them to be responsible and be Godly young men and women who will make good decisions once they’re out of our sight.

So, parents, as this school year wraps up and our children continue to grow up far too quickly, know this:  You are not alone!  You are not the only parent who’s constantly wondering if you’re doing a good job with your kids, and you’re certainly not the only parent who’s terrified of failing.  Remember, we’re all doing the best we can with the tools we have.  And also remember – our kids love us.  They love us despite our rules and mistakes and uncertainty.

We all know how time flies as we watch our children grow up, so I’ll leave you with this – Cherish every second of being a parent… every second of the joys, the accomplishments, the milestones, and yes – even the fights, the arguments, and the trials.  We’ll never get another chance to raise our children, so keep doing the best you can, and treasure it even when you want to give up.  We all want to throw in the towel at times.  I can assure you that you’re not alone in that.  But let’s just choose to hold on to the time that we do have, even when it’s flying by.

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Say What??!


I’ve added a new page to my blog – It’s called “Say What??!,” and it shares the very best of the best things that I’ve heard in my household.  Between the kids and the hubby, you never know what you’ll hear next.  Some of them are just too good not to share with you all!

https://aliciabenton.wordpress.com/say-what/


But He Loves Me…


You have all read this post already, but it was from Black Box Warnings, which no longer exists.  So, I thought I’d go ahead and copy it here, too.

He is screaming at me so close to my face that I can feel his spit. I close my eyes and hold my breath.

He is wrapping his hands around my neck and squeezing tighter and tighter. I start to see spots.

He is grabbing my hair and shoving my head in the toilet. I try not to breathe, but I have to gasp for air.

He pulls the car over to the side of the road and demands that I get out. When I refuse, he comes around to the passenger side and yanks me out, leaving me standing alone on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere with no money or ID.

He is tearing everything in my purse into shreds. I watch helplessly as my social security card, driver’s license, and photos of my babies float to the floor in hundreds of pieces.

He is cutting into tiny scraps all the homemade Mother’s Day and birthday cards I’ve collected from my babies since they were born.

He is breaking my cell phone into two pieces, ensuring I can never use it again.

He rips every signature from my high school yearbooks. I can only vaguely remember the memories my friends have written so fondly about.

He is bleaching all of my clothes in the bath tub. I panic inside, wondering what I’ll wear to work the next day.

He is burning the boys’ clothes in the fireplace in the living room. The boys don’t dare ask what’s going on.

He is shattering my camera into pieces, stomping on it after it smashes on the concrete.

He throws the kitten across the room and into the brick wall on the fireplace. It immediately begins to bleed profusely from the nose.

He tears the boys’ homework into tiny scraps the second they complete it.

He punches my car windshield in a fit of rage. My heart feels like the shattered glass, spreading over every inch.

Source: Madrid Law

Source: Madrid Law

But, despite all this, he loves me… He tells me how sorry he is – how it’s my fault that he loses his temper so often. I made a stupid decision that wasn’t good for our family. He can’t bear the thought of living without the boys and me. He promises that he’ll never put his hands on me or the kids again. All those times were mistakes. I’m the mother of his children and his wife. He loves me.

I stay. For years and years, I stay.

I’m scared of him. Terrified to leave.

If I leave him, he’ll find us. He’ll kill me, or worse, them. Or he’ll kidnap them, and I’ll never see them again. I can’t live without them.

How will I afford to raise two boys on my own? How will I work and pay for daycare?

Where will I go? Who will take in three extra people when they have families of their own to raise and support?

What decent man will ever want me – a 21-year-old girl with a two-year-old and an infant?

How will I ever swallow my pride and tell my daddy that he was right and that I had made one terrible decision after another?

How will it look if I get a divorce and have two young children? Divorce is bad, right?

What if I really am the problem, and I keep provoking him?

What if he really is sorry and will never lay his hands on me again? Will I be throwing away a potentially great marriage?

All boys need their dad, right? How will I ever successfully raise two young men without their father in their lives?

What if the fear that consumes my life is a healthy fear and proof that no one will ever love me as much as he does?

What if he really does love me, and I just have no idea what love is?

What if he really does love me?

Yes, these are really the thoughts that tormented me every single day of my 14-year relationship with my first husband. I was stuck – with no end in sight – in a vicious cycle. I was going crazy… I was literally going crazy.

I had myself convinced that he really loved me and was simply scared of losing the boys and me. I just knew that my family was no good for me and if they really loved me as much as he did, that they would support us and our relationship.

I genuinely believed him every time he swore to never put his hands on me again.

To protect him, I made all the excuses you’ve heard on TV: “I fell down the stairs.” “My son accidentally head-butted me.” “He threw something at me to catch, but I missed it, and it hit me in my face.” “Oh, it was definitely an accident.” “He didn’t mean it.” “But I made him mad.” “Oh, I don’t know where that bruise came from.”

The list could go on, but the point is that I covered for him every time. I even ended up in the emergency room once and lied to the doctors, even when they were quite sure I was being abused. But I refused to budge. I wouldn’t give him up.

Source: Wynn & Wynn

Source: Wynn & Wynn

 

 

Why?

FEAR, plain and simple.

Fear of his rage and temper. Fear of being alone. Fear of being judged. FEAR.

I thought I was alone. I thought no one would understand what I was going through day-in and day-out.

For any of you ladies (or men, I suppose) who are in the same type of situation, please listen and hear me when I say this:

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

You don’t need to be abused. You don’t need to be manipulated. You don’t need to be controlled.

Please, if you shrug off every other sentence in this post, just understand this:

You are NOT alone.

Don’t stay silent any longer. You are valuable, and you are loved. No matter what you’ve done, you will never ever deserve to be abused. Speak out. Get help.

You can start here:

HELPGUIDE.org

THE HOTLINE

Womenshealth.gov

Every lie – whether mine or his – that I believed, turned out to be just that… a LIE. I met a wonderful man who loves me and my kids. I can take care of my kids on my own. I am successfully raising two handsome, respectful young men. My family does love and support me. And most importantly – I will never be alone.

Remember, you are loved, and you never deserve to be abused. Stop the cycle.

Source: Dr. Phil

Source: Dr. Phil


Happy Draft Day!!!


It’s Draft Day, people!

This is big!

Especially this year, when so many of our South Carolina Gamecocks are looking so good!

I think we all know who’s going first:

That’s right!  Our very own: Clowney!!

In case you’ve had your head buried under a rock for the last couple years, here’s a reminder of who Clowney is, exactly:

Yep – He’s that guy!

And then, of course, we have Bruce, Kelcy, and Connor who I’m hopeful will go tonight or tomorrow, as well.  They’ve all worked hard, and they’ve given us some awesome football to watch.

Let me tell you – there’s no better place to watch these guys play than at Williams-Brice.  But I’ll happily root for whichever pro team they’re picked to play for.

So do me a favor tonight – Help support and and cheer these guys on as they make football history!



Jeanne Grier

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