At one time, I was Teen Mom to a beautiful, brown-eyed, curly haired little boy. He changed my whole world and showed me a love that I didn’t know existed inside my young, calloused heart. He constantly wanted to be in my arms, which was quite okay with me.
Then, I was New Mom to a second precious, brown-eyed little boy. How my heart didn’t explode from an overflowing love, I’ll never know. He, too, wanted nothing more than to snuggle on my chest and would cry when I put him down.
I soon became Mommy to these two rambunctious balls of energy. In fact, that was every other word out of their mouths. Oh, how they needed me for everything – pouring cereal, tying shoes, reaching the top shelf in their closets to pull down their favorite teddy bears.
Then, as they started school, I was Momma. But even with my change of title, they still needed me. At this point, they were impressed with my knowledge of times tables and the water cycle. They were both so proud to show me off to their friends as they held my hand tightly down the hallway to their classrooms.
Only a few years later, I got another title change to Mom. I may have still been able to help with homework, but other than that, my knowledge base started to decrease. I became much like a banker, wherein I was really only needed to fund whatever outing was planned without me. At least I still got hugs and kisses after our bedtime prayers.
Now, as my youngest brown-eyed baby enters middle school, my label has been shortened to only Ma. I’m not allowed in the school anymore, except for awards ceremonies and conferences. I know that tomorrow, as I drop them off outside the school doors for the start of another school year, I’ll be lucky to even get a sideways glance, much less that hug or kiss that keeps me going.
Who will I be now? Who am I if I’m not needed anymore? What is left of me?
As I slowly lose my boys to life, I realize that I’m also losing myself.
August 20th, 2013 at 12:41 pm
Yet me acting like a child and requiring your attention is frowned upon. Smdh
August 20th, 2013 at 12:47 pm
Really???!
August 20th, 2013 at 12:50 pm
Good riddance to those needy little monsters! I’m still wiping asses over here and it blows! Now you can focus on that law degree.
August 20th, 2013 at 12:52 pm
Oh and of course the boys are really cute gents.
August 20th, 2013 at 12:54 pm
Thank you 🙂 They take after their mom.
August 20th, 2013 at 12:53 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2s5DIhK0jzg 🙂
Ugh – If I get rid of them, THEN what excuse will I have for my procrastination, DOAT??
August 20th, 2013 at 12:59 pm
Don’t forget! School starts tomorrow 🙂 Those kids adore you! And anyway, do you really want your boys to call you mommy when they’re full grown 🙂 Haha
August 20th, 2013 at 1:00 pm
Haha! It reminds me of Step Brothers… sleeping on my couch at 35! Um, okay – I get your point!
August 20th, 2013 at 1:19 pm
The baby pictures were GORGEOUS!!
I melted….seriously, my heart, like, spilt.
And although they are growing, I’m sure the love will never go!
🙂
August 20th, 2013 at 1:28 pm
Thank you so, so much!! It’s bittersweet – I love watching them grow up and become young men, but it’s hard to let go! 🙂
August 20th, 2013 at 1:25 pm
I’m pretty sure there is more to you than your boys…
August 20th, 2013 at 1:28 pm
I hope so… That’s what I’m trying to figure out
August 20th, 2013 at 5:26 pm
Let them go and they will come back to you or some crap like that.
August 21st, 2013 at 9:16 am
Haha! I don’t want them to come back – I just want them to always love me! Lol!!
August 21st, 2013 at 10:06 am
Don’t worry they won’t.
August 20th, 2013 at 1:52 pm
ooooh ooooh! they still need you. always and forever. you’ll always be their mommy/mom/momma/ma.
August 20th, 2013 at 1:54 pm
Aw, thank you! I wish I had you in my ear to tell me that every day that they jump out of the car and barely mumble bye!!
August 20th, 2013 at 3:14 pm
the past several days when I’ve dropped my girl (3.5) off at school, she didn’t even look back at me to say good bye. ::sniff::
August 20th, 2013 at 3:19 pm
Heartbreaking!!
August 20th, 2013 at 1:56 pm
They may be finding their own identities but they will always need you and love you no matter what age they are – being their mum will always be at least part of your identity, I’m sure.
August 20th, 2013 at 2:00 pm
Thank you for your encouragement, Drali! Ha – who knows… hopefully they’ll make smart decisions as they grow up so I even still WANT to claim to be their mom! Lol! 😉
August 20th, 2013 at 4:47 pm
🙂
August 20th, 2013 at 3:12 pm
Coming from a Momma’s boy… you’ll always be Mom! Yah, the name might change, or undergo several iterations, but the core need for you in their lives will never change. To this day, my mom is my rock. While I too went through the same thing, there will always be days when they come crawling back, and look to you for the answers to the universe. It may not seem like it today… or tomorrow… or for a couple of more years, but it’s the truth. Nobody can ever replace a boys mother.
August 20th, 2013 at 3:18 pm
Yay! Thank you, Mama’s Boy! I’m so happy to hear the truth from a man!
You’re going to get to the point where it’s bittersweet to watch your little girl grow up, too!
August 20th, 2013 at 3:40 pm
I’m dreading the day my two boys don’t want to snuggle…ever again 😦 They are 2 years and newborn so I’ve got some time 🙂
Be content though that you raised two great boys who someday will snuggle and love their own children; they learned it from you
August 20th, 2013 at 4:27 pm
Enjoy every second of the time you have left!! It flies by! I know I need to back off, but it’s just so hard! 😉
August 20th, 2013 at 4:06 pm
They may not say it, but deep down you know it. 🙂
August 20th, 2013 at 4:27 pm
You’re the best! Thank you for that comment – I needed to hear it! 🙂
August 20th, 2013 at 4:29 pm
Thank you. 🙂
August 20th, 2013 at 4:46 pm
I think every parent must feel this way at some point. I dread it. DREAD IT. Yet, I crave it at the same time. I guess the key is finding the beauty in each stage. Lord knows I wish I had a little time for myself (I’m in the bum-wiping stage like Don), but one day that will come, and I KNOW I will be sad. Your boys are so handsome!!!
August 20th, 2013 at 10:53 pm
Thank you! It’s so, so bittersweet! And the time just flies by!
August 20th, 2013 at 9:49 pm
Aww…
August 20th, 2013 at 10:51 pm
🙂
August 21st, 2013 at 11:29 am
Children grow quickly, and like you my children are part of my identity. That is one of the reasons that I returned to school to improve my writing.
August 21st, 2013 at 11:31 am
That’s a great idea – and probably the same road I’ll go down! It’s amazing to watch them grow up into responsible young adults, yet heartbreaking at the same time!
August 21st, 2013 at 11:40 am
Oh no! This? It is where I am as well, as far as losing myself!
August 21st, 2013 at 11:42 am
What in the world did we do before we became moms/taxi drivers/chefs/maids/referees?!
August 21st, 2013 at 12:21 pm
Your boys are so freaking cute! And trust me, they will always need you. Always.
August 21st, 2013 at 12:22 pm
Thank you!! 😀 I hope they do. Except for money. 😉
August 21st, 2013 at 4:07 pm
The Monsters picture killed me. KIlled.
My baby starts kindergarten on Monday. My oldest is going into 3rd grade. Where did my babies go????
I feel you, mom. We have to let them grow up and out, but it doesn’t get any easier for us to let go. Be strong. They will always love their momma . . . even if they don’t show you as much anymore. Especially, around their friends! You can just forget that noise. 😉
August 21st, 2013 at 4:11 pm
They’re embarrassed of those costumes now! Geez.
Aww, it’s always hard when you’re sending your BABY to kindergarten! It’s usually tougher for us than it is for them!
It’s kind of strange how some days I can’t wait for them to be independent and then others, I want to hang on to them just a little bit longer.
Thank you for your sweet words – you made me feel better!! 🙂
August 21st, 2013 at 6:18 pm
You’ll always be needed. Even if it becomes harder for them to admit it!
August 22nd, 2013 at 9:45 am
Thank you for making me feel a little better!! 🙂
August 21st, 2013 at 8:10 pm
My daughter is horrified if I get out of the car when I pick her up at her high school. But she’s daddy’s little girl when she needs help with math homework.
August 22nd, 2013 at 9:45 am
Isn’t it funny how they need us when it’s convenient for them?! 😉
August 22nd, 2013 at 12:16 am
I started volunteering at the school, and even though I’m not all that cool, I’ve fooled enough of my kids friends into thinking I am, that they have to tolerate me being there now. It’s all part of my evil plan to remain a part of their lives. 🙂
August 22nd, 2013 at 9:46 am
Brilliant!!! 🙂
Yeah… all of the boys’ friends think I’m way cooler than my actual kids do!
August 22nd, 2013 at 12:50 am
It goes in cycles! My mom is at mommy stage again, because I need her for everything once more, 🙂 Being grown up is hard! 😉
August 22nd, 2013 at 9:48 am
You’re right – It IS hard. And I didn’t believe anyone when they told me that I shouldn’t be in such a hurry to grow up!! I’m glad to hear that I may get a “Mommy” again in the future, though!
August 22nd, 2013 at 1:12 pm
Yep, I’m pretty sure just 5 or 6 years ago, she was complaining about no one ever calling her… now, she’s on the phone with me about how to clean wood floors, and my sister is on the other line because she has a kid who eats crayons, and I hear my brother in the background asking if she got a chance to read his work proposal. I’m thinking she probably wishes it was back to peace and quiet, haha! 🙂
August 22nd, 2013 at 2:14 pm
Haha! Moms are superheroes!!
August 22nd, 2013 at 9:54 am
I am going through an identity crisis right now, too — I’m losing “wife” from my job description and I hate that it’s happening. So hard to reconcile the new me that i didn’t want to be with the old me that was generally pretty happy.
August 22nd, 2013 at 10:15 am
Ugh, that makes me sad for you. I’ve been through that “identity crisis” myself. I laugh at myself because I’m only 32, and I’ve had two kids, been divorced once, married twice, and separated once already. I’m on a roll, huh?!
I know exactly how you feel – My separation was something I adamantly didn’t want. I pray that you can find yourself again and learn to love your new self. Maybe finding a hobby or something you love to do can help. Personally, I immersed myself in photography, blogging, and some other things like that that at least helped take my mind off of my life falling apart. I hope that you can find happiness again – and that you love the new you even more than you did before!!
August 22nd, 2013 at 10:25 am
Oh how I know this feeling. I still have one who needs me and wants affection, but my teenager has crossed over to the dark side! 😉 It’s so hard to make the transition and when those rare moments arise when they show signs of still being your little boy, it’s golden. But my husband assures me that the bond between mother and son is always there. They always need and cherish their moms.
August 22nd, 2013 at 10:58 am
I sure hope he’s right because there are days when they look at me like I have two heads, and then there are other days where I look at them the same way! Yes… the teenage years are dark, dark days!!
Sometimes I wonder what monster took over my child’s body!! 😉
August 22nd, 2013 at 4:52 pm
Love these transitions. Making me nostalgic for times that haven’t yet come. 🙂
August 22nd, 2013 at 11:03 pm
Thank you! They will come, and when they do they’ll fly by!!
August 22nd, 2013 at 6:43 pm
Parenthood is definitely an ever-evolving job. This was a really great post!
August 22nd, 2013 at 11:04 pm
Thank you! 🙂 It is certainly the HARDEST job I’ve ever had… that’s for sure!
August 23rd, 2013 at 6:57 am
I love how you structured this piece. Your writing – and your sons – are beautiful.
August 23rd, 2013 at 8:57 am
Thank you so much! What an amazing and humbling comment coming from you!!
August 30th, 2013 at 3:47 pm
What beautiful babies and now young men you are mothering! I can relate to the ever-changing identity, and it continues!
With a now 20 year old daughter, I am grateful to spend a week with her! She tells me she is happy to spend the time with me, but also that her friends are who she relies on for day-to-day support and intimacy, and though it hurts, it is also as it should be…
This is beautiful, thank you!
August 31st, 2013 at 11:54 pm
Try not to spit too much of your beer out on this one…..Im thinking it’s time for a GIRL…..they need the sweetness of a little sis in their life….
September 3rd, 2013 at 9:38 am
Ha! I just looked over my shoulder to see if you maybe typed this for someone else!!!! You must have typed in the wrong URL or something!!! 😉
September 6th, 2013 at 11:16 am
Spoilsport….my daughter is the light of my life! You need one! And so do they! Get crackin on it! Them eggs are aging….
January 14th, 2015 at 3:00 pm
[…] wrote a post over a year ago on losing my identity as a mom as my kids grow to the ages where they won’t need me anymore. Unfortunately, and […]