Yes, I had my first kid at the age of 19. And yes, I had my second kid at 21. Yes, I was only in college at the time. So what??
You told me I was too young to have kids, that I knew nothing about how to raise children. You also told me that I would never go anywhere in life, wouldn’t finish college, and would never be able to work at a decent job and take care of two children. You said I would never go anywhere in life.
You called me “white trash” since I wasn’t married when I had my first kid and told me I would end up as a single mom because my “baby’s daddy” would leave me – if I even knew who he was. When I had my second baby, you asked me if he had the same dad as the first.
You said I’d end up living with my parents forever and would never be able to afford a place of my own. You assumed that I was on welfare and food stamps and that I had to get my babies vaccinated at the local, trashy health clinic. You asked if I was finally on good birth control and talked about how surprised I must have been when I found out that I was pregnant so young.
You said my future would be ruined if I didn’t get an abortion – that there was no way I could give my babies good, successful lives. You said I would fail school or have to quit because I would never be able to study, maintain good grades, or be able to pay for daycare with two young children on my hands.
You told me how terrible my kids would have it growing up since they were biracial. You said it was my fault that people would call them names and bully them because of their race. You called me an “n*****-lover” and said it wasn’t fair to my kids that they didn’t have two parents who were the same race.
You know what? I finally have something to say about all those things you told me. THEY WERE LIES.
I was a damn good mom to my babies, and I figured it out pretty quickly. I knew how to change diapers and rock my babies to sleep and get them bathed and dressed.
I went to school full-time and worked full-time and still got to wake my boys up in the morning, get them off to daycare, and rock them to sleep at night.
I graduated with honors and even started grad school. I’ve worked hard at jobs that continuously got better. I make a decent living now. I was able to pay for a place to live, a car, my bills, and childcare.
I moved out of my parents’ house the day after high school graduation, before I even had kids, and haven’t lived with them since. I married my sons’ father, and we stayed married for nearly ten years. My kids both had the same dad.
My kids had a real doctor at a real pediatrician’s office, and I paid for their medical bills with real insurance. I also paid for our groceries and utilities with real money.
Abortion was never an issue or option for us. Our kids weren’t mistakes. Our lives weren’t ruined. Believe it or not, some people like having kids early on in life. One day, I’ll be able to enjoy playing with my grandchildren. Hopefully, I’ll make it to see the day my sons graduate from college, get married, and have little blessings of their own.
You may call me all sorts of names, but I’m proud to not be a closed-minded, racist idiot like you. I think my babies are beautiful, and I wouldn’t change a thing about them. It’s quite ironic to me that you spend countless hours and dollars to make your skin look exactly the same as theirs. And your hair? Don’t get me started. You could only wish to have curls like theirs.
I didn’t fail or have to quit school, and my kids sure as hell haven’t suffered for that. In fact, they’ve turned out to be quite remarkable, intelligent young men. They’re amazingly talented and extremely smart. They get good grades, excel in their grade levels, and can play nearly any sport they attempt.
They have dreams of which college they’ll attend and which sports they’ll receive scholarships in, and they have high standards for themselves. Both have admirable career goals and will, no doubt, succeed in everything they put their minds to. They both love God and are growing up to be Godly, respectful men, who will love their own wives and children one day.
So, no, I don’t have any regrets, and I wouldn’t change a thing. Having my sons was the best decision I’ve ever made, regardless of my age. Now stop worrying about me, take a nice long look at yourself, and move on.
All my love,
My College Graduation – December 13, 2003