Have you ever gone to a new place or tried a new experience and thought to yourself, “I’m never doing that again!” Tell us about it. Photographers, artists, poets: show us NEVER.
The very second I read today’s prompt, I knew immediately what I did and said I would never do again – get married.
I know that sounds harsh, but let me explain…
As many of you know, I started dating my first husband when I was only fifteen. (That’s how we do things here in the south, I guess.) I was “head-over-heels” for him. At least I thought I was. As I look back on it, I wasn’t really in love with him – I was in love with the idea of love.
Obviously, as a young girl, I wanted nothing more than to be swept off my feet by my very own Prince Charming. Every boy I ever had a crush on had a notebook page devoted solely to doodles of my first name and his last name. Pitiful, right? Well, that’s what girls do.
Anyway, back to my first husband – Shortly after we started dating, he became abusive. You can read all the gory details of his abuse and the vicious cycle I found myself in here. In addition to beating the crap out of me, though, he also did some other pretty psycho things. He’s thrown a kitten across the room and into the wall; he’s thrown all my clothes into a bathtub full of bleach; and he’s cancelled my car insurance and then called the police on me.
He really was bi-polar, and he really did need help. Regardless of what his issues were, however, the bottom line was that he made my marriage complete and utter hell. I had two very young babies at the time, and he knew I had no money and nowhere to go. I was trapped in a real life living hell. And he knew it and fed off of it.
Marriage was terrible, and I wished I had never done it.
When it finally came time for a divorce, I was happy. I thought that meant that my hell would be over. I was wrong again. He fought me for three years, tooth and nail, on everything. He and his attorney refused to budge on anything, and they did all they could to drag it out for as long as possible.
I swore that I would never ever get married again. It was awful, and I wanted no part of it.
It was smack-dab in the midst of my daily vows to never again get married that I became pretty close friends with Eugene. He and I started hanging out and talking a lot about our lives and kids.
That’s when it happened: I fell in love with him. Damn – this wasn’t supposed to be happening. I loved being around him, and I hated when we weren’t together. I was continually amazed at the fact that he wasn’t the same dickhead as my first husband. I really had no idea that men weren’t all the same. But he wasn’t. He was sweet and caring and loving. He was a good dad, and he also showed interest in my kids, which was a major issue for me.
I ended up really falling “head-over-heels” in love with him, a feeling that was so foreign to me that I wasn’t sure what was going on. I had never felt this way about anyone, and I certainly never felt it about my first husband. Eugene wasn’t mean to me, and he wasn’t abusive. Was it possible that someone could actually love me for the broken woman I was?
It was possible. And he did. We ended up moving in together and talking about – you’ll never guess – MARRIAGE!
Wait, what?! I never wanted to go through that again, but I also couldn’t stand the thought of not spending forever with him. What was I supposed to do?
I’ll tell you what I did – I did exactly what I swore I would never do again. I married the man of my dreams. And I haven’t, to this day, regretted the decision to go back on my promise to myself to never travel back down that road. Of course, I have no guarantees that this marriage will end up any different than my first one, but the difference is that this time, I want to try it, and I want it to work.
You have no idea of all the blessings God has in store for you, even when you’re broken and angry. Never say never, friends.
August 7th, 2013 at 10:51 am
AWWWWWWW — Eugene, you’re making a duckface in that pic 🙂 COME ON, MAN!!
August 7th, 2013 at 11:58 am
What are you like the duckface spotting police?
August 7th, 2013 at 12:00 pm
Maybe I am!!
August 7th, 2013 at 11:05 am
[…] Daily Prompt: Never Again | Imperfectly Perfect […]
August 7th, 2013 at 11:40 am
That was such a wonderful story!!! well…not the part when you mentioned your crazy ex-husband, which I can totally relate to…mine just failed to tell me that he had bi-polar until we were living together and engaged.
I am glad you found your Prince Charming!!
August 7th, 2013 at 11:46 am
Thank you 🙂
August 7th, 2013 at 11:59 am
I don’t think I realized that you were married, if that tells you how perceptive I am! I’m glad you found happiness. Eugene sounds like a swell dude! Good luck on not fucking it up.
August 7th, 2013 at 12:33 pm
Love this post and am so happy for you!
August 7th, 2013 at 12:33 pm
Thank you 🙂
August 7th, 2013 at 12:34 pm
you and hubs look so cute together too!
August 8th, 2013 at 3:58 am
That’s lovely, just like a fairy tale where it starts out really bad and has such a happy ending.
August 9th, 2013 at 9:11 am
Thank you! Hopefully it ends like a fairy tale, too. Marriage is hard work!
August 9th, 2013 at 7:34 pm
Beautiful tribute. You went through “fools gold” to find the gold vein. And would you have recognized the gold if it stood before you all those years ago? Appreciation is often not recognized without true adversity.
August 9th, 2013 at 8:58 pm
But man, is it still HARD work!!!
August 10th, 2013 at 12:25 pm
And it always will be as people change throughout life. Just make sure your changes are understood, or better yet, compliment Eugene. My marriage is not so lucky in that regard.
August 10th, 2013 at 3:05 pm
Great, every line makes a whole lot of sense to me, especially this one:
“I wasn’t really in love with him – I was in love with the idea of love.”
It’s easy to be sold any dream, but it sounds like you’ve really earned the dream you have now 🙂
August 12th, 2013 at 9:59 am
Thank you so much! You are so right about it being easy to be sold any dream. I just wish I hadn’t learned that the hard way!
August 12th, 2013 at 4:05 am
Great post. Glad you took the leap and it all worked out for you. I am married over 20 years. I don’t know what I would do without my husband, I think my writing would have to cease. Most of my most popular posts were ones I wrote featuring him. Such as “my husband is so lucky he married me” or My husband bores me”. Thankfully his sense of humor is top class. When all else fails he is my daily prompt.
August 12th, 2013 at 10:00 am
Hahaha! I love those! He sounds like quite an inspiration! 😉
And I’m so glad you found someone with whom you could live and love for over 20 years. What a goal for me to work toward!
August 12th, 2013 at 11:34 am
Don’t worry, many’s the day we would both have traded each other in given half a chance, but overall it has been fun.