Monthly Archives: July 2013

“If you’re playing a poker game, and you look around the table and can’t tell who the sucker is, it’s you.” ~Paul Newman

I’m super busy at work this afternoon, so I’ll just share a quick, funny kid story with you today.

The kids have recently learned from us how to play poker and black jack, so we’ve been spending an hour or so every afternoon playing with them.  We play for Goldfish, so you know it’s no joke, and the stakes are high.

Source: shmoop

Source: shmoop

Anyway, last night, Eugene had to run out to the car for something, so he said, “I’ll be right back, but you can go ahead and play one hand while I’m gone if you want.”

Gerald responded with, “How do you play one-hand?  I’ve never heard of that game.”

All I could do was shake my head and laugh…

Finally, as I was laughing and Eugene was staring at him like, “Did you really just say that?,” the light clicked on for him, and he turned a nice pretty shade of pink!  He was so embarrassed!  But we all got a good laugh out of it.

Needless to say, he and I played one-hand while Eugene ran out to the car, and I have to say… I caught on pretty quickly!

Even When They’re Dumb…

The birthday card I got last week from the kids reminded me why parenting is worth every second of stress, poverty, and headaches…

First of all, I received these coupons:

Right after I looked through all of them, Ronald made me laugh.  He said, “Are you going to use them, Mom?”

“You’re damned absolutely right I’m going to use them! Every single one of them!”

As if a spotless house and a day without kids isn’t good enough, I also got this note inside my card:

The handmade drawings all over the card were adorable, but it’s the message inside that really tugged at my heartstrings.

Here’s what it says:

Mom, (#1 Mom)

Thank you for supporting all of us through our hard times.  We cannot explain how much it means to us.  If you weren’t with us, guiding us to success we would be nowhere by now.  Even when we make you really mad and act really dumb and disrespectful, you stay by our sides through the good and bad times.  Happy 32nd birthday mom!  We love you!


Gerald, Ronald, Jeremy, Emma

How freaking amazing is that?!

#1 Mom?  Wow!  As many times as I’m told that I’m the meanest mom ever, I never thought I’d be reminded that my kids actually DO like me sometimes!

Hard times?  My gut reaction when I read this was almost to laugh.  But then I remembered that we often forget that life can be stressful for our kids, too.  Sometimes they even have more going on than we do.  Don’t believe me?  Check this out.

Guiding them to success?  Yes!  Just when I thought I was a failure at parenting and that they weren’t listening to a thing I’ve taught them over the last 13 years, I finally see (even if only for one day each year) that they’re getting it!

Even when we make you really mad?  Okay, so this part did make me laugh… At least they didn’t call me out too badly and say, “When you scream at us like the house is on fire…”

And act really dumb and disrespectful?  This one made me laugh, too.  At least they realize on their own that sometimes they’re dumb – I don’t want to have to call them douchebags every time!!

Happy 32nd birthday?  Damn.  Did they have to write the number?  That part I could have done without!

In all seriousness, though, it’s the little things like this that mean the most to us as parents and the things that we’ll remember long after we patch up that hole in the wall from the football or fix that broken window from the baseball.

I love my kids more than anything, and I hope I can make that as clear to them every day as they did to me in my birthday card.

A Girl’s First Love

She stared out the window, hoping to see his headlights.  But all she saw was darkness.

She replayed the argument he had with her mom in her head.  Although it took place days before, she had it memorized – branded in her heart.

She could remember how her mom was barely understandable because she couldn’t catch her breath through her sobs.  She could still hear him yelling.  She wasn’t good enough.  She wasn’t pretty anymore.

Certainly she didn’t hear that last part correctly.  Her mom was beautiful, with silky chestnut hair and one strand that she always tucked behind her ear.  Even when it was already there.

As she looked at the swaying trees through her window, she jumped as she remembered hearing the door slam.  I don’t love you anymore.  I’m leaving. 

She remembered waiting to hear the door open again.  To hear him say he was sorry for yelling, like he usually did.  Instead, all she heard that night was Mom crying.  She wanted to go to her, but wasn’t sure what to say.

What if Mom wouldn’t forgive her for being a selfish brat, always worried only about herself?

Scared that Mom would hate her and he would never come back, she picked up her favorite bear from inside the box in her closet.  The one with the eye that was hanging on only by a thread.

It’d been so long since she’d pulled it out of the box.  As she rubbed its nose, she closed her eyes and remembered the day he brought him home to her.  She’d been in third grade.  She’d just gotten off the bus when he surprised her with it.  She slept with him until his seams began unraveling.  Little did she know then, that it was the perfect metaphor for her life.

She still had her eyes closed, trapped in 1988, when she heard a car coming.  She opened her eyes immediately and saw the glow of lights through the trees.  He’s back!  I knew he’d come back!

But then the lights disappeared.  The car must’ve turned onto another street.  More darkness.

She wondered what her mom was doing downstairs.  Like that fateful night, she thought about going down to her, talking to her.  But she remembered the argument they had just this morning.  Mom was worried about her.  Only she didn’t just tell her mom not to worry, that she was worried for nothing.  No.  Instead, she yelled at her and told her to mind her own business.  She didn’t need to worry.  What did she know about her anyway?  She couldn’t even keep her marriage together.  Why was she worrying about her daughter who she knew nothing about?

She sighed.  Why was she blaming Mom for his leaving?  Nothing she did would have ever been enough to keep a man around who was already insistent upon leaving.

Why was it that she missed him so much it hurt, but when it came to Mom, who really was the only one she could always count on, she was still a conniving little witch?  As much as she hated to admit it, she had always wanted nothing more than to be his little girl.

Now she wanted nothing more than to believe that it was Mom’s fault that he left.  But she knew better.

And she also knew deep down that he was never coming back.

Oh, how she wished that he would realize the truth, too.  She wished with all of her aching heart that he would see what she really needed:

Her Daddy.

Source: we heart it

Source: we heart it

“Pleasure in the job puts perfection in the work.” ~Aristotle

Have you ever worked that one job that you’ll never forget?

Back during my college years, I worked in loss prevention at a large department store.  It was the greatest job ever – minus my crappy salary.  At any rate, I loved what I did… watching shoppers on camera, looking for suspicious behavior, and then busting them when they stole something.

I’ve always said that if I could make great money doing that, I’d do it forever.  I was really good at it.  I knew exactly what to look for, and sometimes I would get 50 to 60 busts per month.  And there was nothing better than seeing the looks on the faces of these crooks after they found out that, regardless of whether they apologized and offered to pay for what they stole, they were still being arrested.

The vast majority of people who stole stuff from the store had the money to pay for the items they stole in their pocket while they were stealing them.  I think they did it for the adrenaline rush.  I know it wasn’t out of need that they stole because it wasn’t stuff that a person needs.  Often, it was cheap costume jewelry or even bras and panties that were taken.

Prior to starting this job, I assumed (incorrectly) that it would be mostly teenagers who would steal.  Of course, there were a fair number of them who did steal, but it wasn’t only them.  I’ve seen people of every gender, every class, and every age steal.

One time, I watched a lady in her 70s steal bras and granny panties and shove them underneath her in her wheelchair.

Another time, I watched as a mom stole a pair of pants while her teenage daughter was trying something on in the fitting room.  Mom was going to pay for daughter’s clothes, by the way.

There was one day that I watched a group of teenage boys steal giant, fake diamond earrings.  That’ll make you look cool, no doubt.

As you may have imagined, when you’re watching cameras all day, you see some pretty crazy stuff that isn’t just shoplifting.

One day, I watched as a lady followed a man into his fitting room.  I notified one of the sales clerks, and sure enough… She heard some not-just-trying-on-clothes sounds coming from that room.

Sick, right?  It gets worse.

People have gone into fitting rooms, peed on the floor (and whatever clothing may have been on said floor), and then go on about their shopping business.  Umm, in case you don’t know, most big department stores have big restrooms on several floors.  It couldn’t wait, Lady?  Really?

I’ve got to say, though, none of these compare to the worst/craziest thing I’ve seen while at my L.P. job.  Okay, not even close…

There was a time that I was keeping a close eye on the store’s cleaning lady and her son.  We suspected them of stealing because after they would empty the trash from all the registers, they would then take their cleaning cart and all the trash they collected to the little closet where all the supplies were kept, rather than throwing it outside in the dumpster.

We ended up putting hidden cameras in the storage closet to see what they did with the stuff they brought in there after each shift.  Eventually, we discovered that while “emptying the trash,” the lady would accidently knock some earrings or other jewelry into the trash can, and then she later dig it out of the trash bag once she took it all into the closet.

At first, we couldn’t get a good dollar amount on what she was stealing because she’d take the jewelry off of the little cards they came on, and she’d throw them out with the trash and would only pocket the loose the loose jewelry.  Because of this, we decided to wait on busting her and continue watching them for a while to see if it escalated to more than just jewelry they were taking.

On one particular day, I was sitting in the camera room at my desk, studying for an upcoming exam while on my lunch break.  I saw something on the camera out of the corner of my eye, and just happened to look up at the cameras.  The boy was in the closet sitting on some boxes, reading a magazine.  I didn’t think anything else of it, and I continued to study.

The next time I happened to look up at the cameras, he was doing more than just reading that magazine.  Yeah.  Uh, he was really liking that magazine, if you know what I mean!  And every few seconds, he’d reach up to his cleaning cart and pump some hand sanitizer into his hand.  [Do you see what I did there?!]

I sat staring, stunned, unable to believe what I was actually seeing.  What do I do?!  Do I stop him?  Call management to interrupt him?  Let him finish and then do something?  What the heck, man???  Stop it!  It’s gross!

Unable to process this and make an educated decision, I called my boss, who worked in a different store than I did.  After laughing hysterically for five uninterrupted minutes, he finally caught his breath enough to tell me to have management page him on the intercom system, pretending to have something for him to come clean up.

So I did.  And when he heard his name on the intercom, while right in the middle of his business, you should have seen it.  Oh.  My.  Goodness.  It was hilarious.  He jumped up off that box so fast!  He wiped his hands off on his jeans [barf!], unlocked the closet door, and went to find the manager who paged him.

Unbelievably, when he finished cleaning whatever it was that he cleaned that didn’t really need to be cleaned, he went back into the closet and finished his business!!  SICKO!!!

Needless to say, my boss and even his boss ended up coming to my store to question this kid, like we would do in the case of a shoplifter.  The “interrogation” went as follows (and, no, I’m not making any of this up):

Boss: “Do you know why we called you in here today?”

Sicko Kid: “Um, because my mom and I have been stealing every day?”

Boss [playing it cool like he has no idea what the kid is talking about]: “And what have you been stealing?”

Sicko Kid: “Jewelry, clothes, sometimes shoes.”

[Holy crap!]

Boss: “And how long has this been going on?”

Sicko Kid: “For about a year.”


Boss: “Um, okay… And how long have you been masturbating in the closet for?”

[Sicko Kid about lost his damn mind, people!!!  He started choking, unable to speak.  He was shocked and couldn’t believe that he was busted and that we actually knew about his little dirty deed!]

Sicko Kid: “Uh, just a few weeks. My girlfriend broke up with me.”

Boss: “Your girlfriend broke up with you, so you decided to masturbate at work?!”

Sicko Kid: “Um, yeah. But I promise I won’t do it again. Or steal. I won’t steal again, either. And if you could not tell anyone about this, that would be good.”

[Bahahahaha! Did he really just ask us that?!]

As you can probably guess, we ended up firing him on the spot.  Probably more so for his disgusting indecency than for his shoplifting!  And yes… we told everyone we could think to tell.

Believe it or not, you haven’t heard the best of it yet!  Remember I told you that he was looking at a magazine while choking his chicken burping his worm changing his oil cleaning his pipes fisting his mister greasing his pipe jerkin’ his gherkin milking his bull playing pocket pool scratching his itch tenderizing his meat waxing his willy wiggling his worm yanking his crank masturbating in the closet?  Well here’s what he was looking at:

Yep… a pregnant Brooke Shields.  Pregnant.  Pregnant.  Pregnant.

Next time, try Playboy.  At home.

Needless to say, this is probably the craziest thing I’ve ever seen at work.

What about you?  Have you ever seen anything you wish you hadn’t while just trying to earn a paycheck?

What Does Your Ride Say About You?

You can tell a lot about a person based on what he or she drives.

Let’s find out who you are…

If you drive a:

Convertible sports car

You are probably:

Going through your midlife crisis; or

Energetic and active

While convertible sports car drivers are usually active, psychologists say they also have many hidden insecurities.

Source: Motivated Photos

Source: Motivated Photos

If you drive a:


You are probably:

A soccer mom who survives each day on wine; or

Not noticed much by the opposite sex

Minivans are usually associated with people who have children (often more than one); therefore their drivers are often invisible to the opposite sex.

Source: someecards

Source: someecards

If you drive a:


You are probably:

Trying desperately to be sexy; or

Driving a black vehicle

Over 30 percent of Mercedes are black.  Mercedes also has several shades of black.

If you drive a:


You are probably:

A macho asshole; or

Trying to make a statement of some sort

Behavioral experts say that Hummer drivers often look like they’re overcompensating for something.

If you drive a:


You are probably:

A cheapskate; or

A minimalist

Corolla drivers usually consider cars as a means to get from Point A to Point B and never as a source of fun.

Source: Cafe Press

Source: Cafe Press

If you drive a:

Square car

You are probably:

A hippie freak; or

Pretty young

Square cars today are similar to the hippie vans in the 60s and 70s and are often seen blaring loud music.

Source: Cheezburger

Source: Cheezburger

If you drive a:

Pickup truck

You are probably:

A redneck; or

A hard worker

Most pickup drivers use their trucks for their very purpose: to haul stuff.  They’re also usually very loyal to their car make of choice.



If you drive a:


You are probably:

Terribly impractical; or


A lot of nostalgic baby-boomers drive Mustangs because they’re reminded of the 60s and 70s, when the car was at its peak.



If you drive a:

Cadillac Escalade

You are probably:

A ghetto thug; or

Don’t focus primarily on the environment or fuel prices

The Escalade really became popular as a result of several rappers who feature the truck in their songs and videos.



If you drive a:


You are probably:

A pompous ass; or

Smart and style-conscious

Behavioral expert say BMW drivers are like the Macs of the PC world: stylish with stellar performance.

Source: LOL Damn

Source: LOL Damn

If you drive a:


You are probably:

A cocky S.O.B.; or

Comfortable in your own skin and maybe even a little smug

Often drivers of Porsches feel important and wear hats while driving with their convertible tops down.

Source: Pelican Parts

Source: Pelican Parts

If you drive a:

Big car, like a Buick, Cadillac, or Lincoln

You are probably:

Dying; or

Enjoy comfort and ease

Larger cars are often easier for older people to get in and out of and are easier on their joints.

Source: Wired

Source: Wired

If you drive a:


You are probably:

A Liberal nut-job; or

Old and rich

Most owners of hybrids make at least $100,000 per year and are often a little older than the average car buyer.

Source: Psychmeistr’s Ice Palace

Source: Psychmeistr’s Ice Palace

If you drive a:

Silver vehicle

You are probably:

Boring; or

Calm, aloof, and maybe even a conformist

Owners of silver cars are not as rebellious as those with black cars or as concerned with status as those with white cars.

Source: Zazzle

Source: Zazzle

If you drive a:

Purple vehicle

You are probably:

A freak; or

Creative and original

Color experts say those who drive purple cars are original and creative.

Source: Chew-The-Fat

Source: Chew-The-Fat

If you drive a:

Emerald green vehicle

You are probably:

Always PMSing; or

Upbeat and cheerful

People who drive emerald green vehicles have the most upbeat attitudes, but they’re prone to mood swings.

Source: flickr

Source: flickr

If you drive a:

Japanese vehicle

You are probably:

Not a real American; or

A Obama supporter

In all seven states in which five of the top-selling vehicles were Japanese models, Obama was voted for in the 2008 election.

Source: KULfoto

Source: KULfoto

If you drive a:

Eco-friendly vehicle

You are probably:

A Liberal nut job (here we go again); or

Trying to save money on gas

In 2011, 75 percent of buyers looking at “green” cars were considering them more for the gas savings than for environmental concerns.

Source: Guy-Sports

Source: Guy-Sports

What kind of car do you drive?  Does it fit your personality?



Poetry: One Blogger’s Pathetic Attempt

My first – and last – attempt at poetry…

I just really wanted to use my latest cool photo.

Big mistake.  I should stick to research papers.


Once again my tears have failed me –

They’ve given me away.

While I told you that I hated you,

I wished that you would stay.


I told myself I deserved better,

And I put on my bravest face.

I pushed you to the back of my mind,

But there are memories I just can’t erase.


You’ve stepped on me –

You’ve beat me down –

And you’ve lied a million times.

Why the hell is it that I still want you around?


I don’t want to be with you,

But I don’t want to be alone –

Why is life so complicated?

I wish I had a heart of stone.

Alicia Benton Photography

Alicia Benton Photography

“When you can stop, you don’t want to, and when you want to stop, you can’t…” ~Luke Davies

Okay, so I’d say my addiction has taken over.  And no, it’s not a Candy Crush addiction!

Source: daily haha

Source: daily haha

It’s an addiction to……….


As you know, my post yesterday was a lot little controversial.  I meant it all in good fun.  I didn’t post it with the intention of seriously offending anyone… at least no more than I usually do.

So I’m not quite sure why I felt obligated to stare at my stats all day to make sure my number of followers didn’t start dropping all because of one potentially offensive post.  But – I did.  Obsessively.  Constantly.

By the time I was finally ready for bed, I was relieved to see that I didn’t lose any of my awesome blogger friends over one post.


Only a few hours later, I was back on WordPress staring at the number of my loyal followers.  And that’s when it happened.

My number dropped by one.

Holy crap!  No!!!

And then another one.

Please stooooop!

And then two more.

What was happening?!  I didn’t mean to offend you, people!  It wasn’t that serious!

Finally, it dropped four more.  I lost eight followers!  I’m never going to be ineligible for the Liebster Award now…

All because of one quasi-funny post???  This sucks!  It didn’t even have all my political views on there because I didn’t want to really piss people off.

I couldn’t bear to watch my followers drop any more.  I got teary-eyed and was about to have a breakdown when all of a sudden I awoke in a cold sweat, still panicky.

Oh, thank God!  I was dreaming!

Wait… at least I think I was dreaming.  I immediately got on WordPress and went straight to my stats page.  WHEW!  No missing followers!

Sure.  Laugh it up.  You think it’s funny.  But it’s not!  I was seriously panicking over the thought of some of you guys dumping me already.  It’s only been four months, and all relationships have rocky moments here and there, right??

Don’t give up on me yet!  If I say something that offends you, just say something mean and awful back!  I can handle it.  And if I can’t, I’ll just blog about it!

The main problem I see here is that none of you can help me with my addiction.  You’re all damn addicts, too!  Bunch of enablers…

Okay, now on a brighter note…

Today’s my birthday, and they seriously get more depressing as I realize that more and more of my kids’ teachers are now younger than I am.

But Arden cheered me up this morning with the perfect card!

Does she know me well or what?!

Does she know me well or what?!

And the envelope was even better!

And Eugene cheered me up with the perfect drink!

It’s gonna’ be a great day, right?!  I mean, I might even get a senior citizen’s discount at the grocery store now… [sigh]

Source: someecards

Source: someecards


Why I’ll Never be a Liberal Nut Job … In Pictures

Guys, before you scroll any farther, let me just preface this post by telling you that IT’S JUST A JOKELighten up.  Chill out.  Relax.  Take a chill pill.  Don’t have a cow.  Calm down.  Take it easy.  Cool your jets.  Simmah’ down now.  Chillax.  Don’t get your panties in a bunch.

Source: Tumblr

Source: Tumblr

Because the fruits of everything I bust my butt so hard for end up in the hands of the lazy freeloaders anyway.

Source: Conservative Calling

Source: Conservative Calling

Because only about 25% of welfare recipients are actually searching for jobs like they’re supposed to.

Source: Ebay

Source: Ebay

Because those on welfare can do drugs, but I can’t because I’ll lose my job.

Source: someecards

Source: someecards

Because Al Gore is a moron.

Source: Politifake

Source: Politifake

Because one can choose to save turtle eggs, but not babies that are several months into a pregnancy.

Source: Doblelol

Source: Doblelol

Because just because I have a gun doesn’t mean I’m a psycho murderer.

Source: Common Sense Evaluation

Source: Common Sense Evaluation

Because my insurance is expensive enough.  I shouldn’t have to pay for yours, too.

Source: Covert Conservatives

Source: Covert Conservatives

Because I don’t support terrorism.

Source: Facebook

Source: Facebook

Because I value my privacy.

Source: The League of Ordinary Gentlemen

Source: The League of Ordinary Gentlemen

Because it can’t still be Bush’s fault.

Source: Meme Generator

Source: Meme Generator

Because one can get arrested for hunting without a license, but not for entering and staying in the U.S. illegally.

Because no American should bow to the King of Saudi Arabia.

Source: Above Top Secret

Source: Above Top Secret

Because I haven’t had even one vacation in years.

Source: Frugal Cafe

Source: Frugal Cafe

Because 9/11 was no damn joke.

Source: E-Nough

Source: E-Nough

Because I don’t need a script to get through life.

Source: I'm So Famous

Source: I’m So Famous

Because our national debt is already pitiful enough.

Source: The Foundry

Source: The Foundry

Because not everything is a damn racial issue.

Source: The Other McCain

Source: The Other McCain

Because I believe in respecting our flag.

Source: Soda Head

Source: Soda Head

Because as you know, I can’t stand a liar.

Source: The Comical Conservative

Source: The Comical Conservative

Because we don’t need the government to tell us what to think about everything.

Source: Punk Rock Libertarians

Source: Punk Rock Libertarians

Because I don’t take my freedoms for granted.

Source: Soda Head

Source: Soda Head

Because I can’t afford higher taxes.

Source: Randy Glasbergen

Source: Randy Glasbergen

Because Michael Moore disgusts me.

Source: Soda Head

Source: Soda Head

Because Nancy Pelosi scares the crap out of me.


Source: Break

Source: Break

Because I love Chick-Fil-A too much.

Source: lolVirgin

Source: lolVirgin

Because I will never be caught driving a Prius.

Source: Imgur

Source: Imgur

Remember, friends… This is not that serious.  It’s just a joke.  Relax.  It’s one of the beauties of being an American… We have free speech!!!

Source: The Meme Page

Source: The Meme Page


“Why you got to go and f*ck with the program?” ~Fruit

So the hubs and I have decided to make another run through HBO’s The Wire because it’s one of our all-time favorite shows.  As we watched the first season again for the umpteenth time, I started to wonder whether a Hamsterdam would really work here in America.

For those of you who don’t know, Hamsterdam was modeled after the Dutch city, Amsterdam, which has extremely liberal drug laws.  The “H” only came along after a dealer misheard an officer in the show, but that’s neither here nor there.

The idea behind Hamsterdam was the de facto legalization of dealing drugs, as well as prostitution, within a few nearly abandoned blocks of the city.

As with all things, there are both positive and negative effects to “legalizing” certain crimes in a small area.  Let’s discuss them.

We’ll start with the pros of such legalization:

Reduced Street Crime Around the Rest of the City

If the vast majority of drug use, dealing, and prostitution was done in a “quarantined” area, the amount of crime in the other areas of the city would decrease.  As a result, the high traffic areas of a particular city for tourists would ideally remain untouched and crime-free.  This, obviously, looks good for the city, as well as for its political leaders.

Increased Amounts of Health and Social Services

If the numbers of drug users and prostitutes were concentrated in one small area of the city, the clinics and other services for medical issues, caused as a result of drug use or sex, could be increased to those specific areas in need.  The city could employ a few mobile medical units to treat the people in that one area weekly, or even a few times per month.  The concentration of people participating in such crimes in one small area would likely ensure that more people in need of these services would be reached.

Decreased Numbers of Innocent Victims

If the majority of would-be “criminals” took advantage of Hamsterdam, the number of random, innocent people being victimized by these users and dealers would likely decrease exponentially.  Often, crimes perpetuated by the desire for drug money and sex are crimes of opportunity.  If that opportunity was removed, the criminals would turn to other means to obtain their drugs and sex.  Again, if those things such as prostitution and dealing were legalized in a concentrated area, any resulting crime would also be contained in this area.

Savings in Budget Costs

The de defacto legalization of drugs and prostitution in a small area like Hamsterdam would allow law enforcement agencies to focus their time and money on other crimes being commited throughout the city, rather than on policing and prosecuting such crimes.

Now for the cons of such legalization:

Increased Tax Payer Costs

While it would be beneficial to have the increased medical services in a concentrated area like Hamsterdam, the issue then arises as to who would pay for this medical care.  Obviously, the crack heads and the crack whores won’t be able to, which leaves taxpayers with the financial burden.  I don’t know about you, but I can barely pay my own bills, much less help Peter Perv pay to get his rocks off.

No Increase in City Income

Unlike legalizing and regulating something like marijuana statewide, allowing the de facto legalization of drugs and prostitution in a small area, such as Hamsterdam, the city would be unable to collect any revenue from taxing these things.  While it would save some revenue, it wouldn’t create any new revenue for the city.

Wars Over Turf

Creating an area like Hamsterdam where “everything goes” creates a nightmare for dealers.  Poor things.  How are they supposed to make their money when their southside competition is dealing right beside them?  This will cause a bigger nightmare for city officials than just drugs and sex.

Increased Homicides

One of those larger nightmares for the city would be murders, no doubt.  When Carl Crackhead runs out of crack or when those eastside thugs intrude on the westsiders turf, there’s sure to be bigger problems than containing the drug trade to within a few blocks.  While it may be fairly easy to keep the drugs and hoes under wraps from the rest of the state, I imagine doing so for the increased homicides will be a little more difficult.

Source: theguardian

Source: theguardian

So what have we learned here, folks?  While the idea of a local Hamsterdam appears brilliant from a distance, it’s a big old mess up close.  And I’m sure as hell not using my hard-earned money to help Suzie Slut get treated for the clap.

What do you think?  Is de facto legalization of certain crimes in a specified, cordoned-off area a good idea?

“Of course awards matter.” ~Frank Ocean

I was honored and surprised on Friday when I got a notification from Claire Tomelty, a fellow amazing blogger, that she nominated me for the Liebster Award.

Most of you probably already know the rules to this award, but in case you don’t, here they are:

1. Thank the blogger who nominated you for the Liebster Award, and link back to his or her blog.

2. Answer the 11 questions that your nominator asks you.

3. Post 11 random facts about yourself.

4. Nominate 11 bloggers of your own, with under 200 followers, whom you think are as awesome as you.

5. Create 11 questions for your nominees.

6. And finally… Display the Liebster Award logo on your page.

To start with, I’ll answer Claire’s questions.

1. Is gluttony a real sin? Yes. Why? Because when I’m gluttonous, everything else goes out the window. I turn into a lazy, fat cow. Maybe if I loaded myself up on fruits and vegetables (ugh – as if!), it wouldn’t be so bad. But I don’t binge on those things. Nope – I stuff my face with things like french fries and brownies and bacon. Mmm, bacon…

Source: someecards

Source: someecards

2. What is your favourite character trait in another person? Honesty, by far. I don’t care how good looking and funny you are if you’re a liar. And what really gets my goat is people who lie about stupid things that nobody cares about to begin with. Grrr.

Don't be a liar. Source: flickr

Don’t be a liar.
Source: flickr

3. When you think about dying how do you feel? I don’t know really… I’m not scared of dying (I don’t think) since we all will at some time or another. Now with that being said, I’d rather not die some horrible, painful death, either. And I’d prefer not to die while my kids are still young and depend on me fully.

4. What makes you supremely happy? My kids and family. And Starbucks Hazelnut Frappuccinos.

5. Which fragrances stir up memories for you? I can’t pinpoint the actual smell, but there is one fragrance that I smell every once in a while that takes me back to the exact table I sat at in my elementary school cafeteria. And that, of course, makes me think of third grade and Greg Panagiotopoulos. He was my boyfriend even though he didn’t know it we were only eight. I wonder what ever happened to him. Hmm…

6. What colour best describes your personality? Purple. I have a deep need for emotional security and to create order and perfection in all areas of my life. I also have a deep need to help others. You can check your personality color here. It’s pretty darn accurate.

7. What is the most reckless thing you’ve ever done? Aye – I hate to even think back to my most reckless [translate: “stupidest”] moment because I can’t believe I was ever that dumb. Way back before I was old enough to drive, my sister and I used to walk the 1½ miles from our house to the beach, while our parents were at work. One day on our way back some older guys, who looked like they could have been in college, stopped and asked us if we wanted a ride so that we didn’t have to walk back. Like idiots, we accepted the ride. Thankfully, they actually took us home – well to the clubhouse in our neighborhood because I wouldn’t show them exactly where we lived. Yes, I now understand that we would have been killed, raped, stabbed, or any combination of the above. Yes, I also now understand that our decision was moronic. No, I will never do that again.

Source: The Louie Keen Blog

Source: The Louie Keen Blog

8. Have you ever broken any hearts? Yes, sadly. But not on purpose. Believe it or not, I haven’t always been such a cold-hearted bitch. I actually used to be a huge people-pleaser, and I have always hated saying no. So this guy back in high school really liked me, and I wasn’t attracted to him at all, but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, so I never really told him to back off. I guess now I realize that I sort of strung him along by not just telling him that I wasn’t interested. When he started buying me jewelry for my birthday, I knew I had to finally do it, and I “broke up” with him even though we were never really dating. Awkward, I know. Needless to say, he was heartbroken, and I felt like a complete witch.

9. What is your karaoke song? I don’t sing much karaoke, but I do love Rock Band, and my favorite song to sing to while Gerald plays the drums, Ronald plays the keyboard, and my brother-in-law plays the guitar is Free Bird. I mean, who doesn’t love singing that song?!

10. Which fictional character would you most like to have drinks with? Atticus Finch, from To Kill a Mockingbird. He is far more moral, upstanding, and non-judgmental than most real-life people I’ve met. We all have a lot to learn from him.

Source: Cheezburger

Source: Cheezburger

11. Do you enjoy your own company? Ha ha – yes! You should hear all the conversations going on in my head at any given time! It’s like I’m having a party in there!

Source: someecards

Source: someecards

Now, for my 11 random facts about myself…

1. I have an oral fixation. [Get your mind out of the gutters, pervs.] I always need something in my mouth… ice, gum, candy, something. I’m not sure why, but it’s just one of those weird quirks. Come on, you know you have one, too…

2. I don’t like pizza. If I have to eat it (because I don’t feel like cooking), I prefer thin crust with black olives and green peppers. Those at least help mask the taste of all that cheese.

3. I’m a Conservative. I’ll stop there, so as not to get on my soapbox. (Chillax – don’t be so sensitive…)

Source: Zazzle

Source: Zazzle

4. I love the smell of rain.

5. I also love the sound of rain. Usually. After three months of nearly non-stop rain, however, I am beginning to enjoy the sound of no rain.

6. I love the dentist. There’s nothing like that feeling right after you’ve had your teeth cleaned.

7. I’m grumpy today because I didn’t get nearly enough sleep last night. And it’s Monday. And it’s a full week.

Source: Quick Meme

Source: Quick Meme

8. I hate orange foods… oranges, sweet potatoes, orange juice, carrots… Yuck!

9. I still watch Full House nearly every night. What?! Don’t judge…

10. I love to cook. But as you already know, my OCD forces me to follow recipes to a T; therefore, I don’t experiment very often.

11. I love cop and prison shows like Cops, America’s Most Wanted, Scared Straight, Lockup, etc.

Source: Feedio

Source: Feedio

Here are my 11 nominees for the Liebster Award.

1. RoxyUncut – She’s a motivational speaker and loves people. That means she is, by far, a better person than I’ll ever be!

2. The Leaking Boob – She, like me, was crazy enough to think that she could single-handedly change the world by becoming an attorney. Only she had the balls enough to do it! She’s my hero.

3. Sarah’s Life and Thoughts – She writes thrillers – my favorite!! And she, too, has OCD, can be impatient, and moody. She’s right up my alley!

4. Beauty And Fashion Scribbles – She understands girly things, like fashion, that I never will.

5. E’s Blog – I like that he writes about controversial issues and isn’t afraid to voice his opinions about said issues. That’s what blogging is all about, right? Free speech?

6. SandStorm Click – We both love photography, and I admire anyone who appreciates the beauty in photos the way I do.

7. mummy flying solo – She’s a single mom, which makes her awesome, and she’s now published because she won a writing competition! Go MFS!

8. Valley Girl Gone Country – We have a several things in common… a southern gent, four kids, a crazy ex, and a love of blogging.

9. msCandaceMarie – She’s got an adorable five-month-old son, and I love reading all about her adventures in mommyhood!

10. sassypanties – I love reading her blog, as she never fails to make me laugh. She has a pre-teen and a teenager, like I do, so she fully appreciates any second away from them, too!

11. Little Bits & Pieces of Life – As the mom of two boys, she can appreciate the organized chaos that can control one’s life! She’s also creative, which is a trait that I can only ever dream of possessing!

And finally, here are my 11 questions to my awesome nominees:

1. Favorite TV show?

2. Why do you blog?

3. Pinterest: Brilliant or Nightmare?

4. Best place you’ve ever visited?

5. How do you like your potatoes?

6. Favorite chicken nugget dipping sauce?

7. Song with great lyrics, but a terrible beat?

8. Do aliens exist?

9. Favorite holiday?

10. Do you sleep wearing socks?

11. Shower or bath?

Thank you again to Claire! I’m humbled and grateful for your nomination!

Source: Pyzam

Source: Pyzam

Tiffany Kleiman ~ Author

“I don’t care if a reader hates one of my stories, just as long as s/he finishes the book.” ~ Roald Dahl, WD

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