I’m Sorry … Please Try Your Search Again


As I’m sure all bloggers discovered shortly after beginning their blogs, the search terms people use that ultimately lead them to our blogs are crazy!

My first look at the searches that directed weirdos to my blog was quite eye-opening.  And terrifying.  The crazies have most certainly found me.

A little over two months have passed since I last looked into what terms led these crazies searchers to my blog.  You can see those terms here.

Since that first examination, I’ve discovered that most of the people who are led to my blog through Google searches fit into one of 10 categories:

1. Creeper

“wow alicia your all grown up now”

Why, yes, I am.  But your observation is scaring me a little.

“mustache”

Let’s just hope this isn’t why you were searching for this:

Source: Quick Meme

Source: Quick Meme

“random boys phone numbers”

If he doesn’t know you exist, you probably shouldn’t call him.  That’s called stalking.

“waffle and alicia”

I’m sorry, but anything that includes me and a waffle is never going to happen.  Creep.

2. Perv

“young boys butt crack candid pix”

I hope someone captured your IP address because you need to go to jail.  P.S. – I hope you drop the soap.

“hot mon blow job to son huge dick jerking off”

I assume this is supposed to say “hot mom,” which makes this even more disgusting.  For some things, there just are no words…

“photos of young boys at playground”

I hope your next visitor is Chris Hansen.

Source: Know Your Meme

Source: Know Your Meme

“butt crack” – “boys buttcrack” – “girls buttcrack flickr” – “buttcrack blog”

Why the heck would you ever want to look at someone’s butt crack???  And why the heck are so many damn people Googling this?!

“pin porn preteen cute small little”

You’re a disgusting excuse of a man… That’s all I have to say about that.

3. Realist

“being a grown up sucks”

Oh, you have no idea, buddy…

“i love being white”

Sad this has to go in this category, but you know as well as I do, that it’s true.

Source: Lipstick Alley

Source: Lipstick Alley

“killer bird”

They’re all killers… All of them, I tell you!  Don’t let your guard down!

Okay... So THIS attack is awesome!

Okay… So THIS attack is awesome!

“i need an orgasm ecards”

We all do, honey… We all do.

“happy+to+have+no+kids”

So what??  You’re not exhausted and broke.  But I bet you also don’t have these!!

“i don’t like big balls”

Giiiiirl, me either.  What the !@#$  Did someone really search for that?!

4. Douchebag

“cmon man what dat white boy”

For some reason, I picture Vanilla Ice as the searcher here…

Source: last.fm

Source: last.fm

“once a hoe always a hoe rotten ecard”

What a classy gentleman you are.

“funny mexican women”

You’re probably one of those people who starts off your sentences with, “I don’t mean this racist, but …”  Jackass.

“stuck up people and people who walk around thinking they’re god’s gift sayings”

I can help with this one.  I have a saying for you: “You’re a douche face.”

“cant trust these hoes”

No, you can’t.  Hoes are known to be very shady.

Source: Bluelight

Source: Bluelight

“myrtle beach ratchet girl”

If you’re Googling ratchet girl, you’re probably quite a winner yourself, huh??

“saying for chunky girls”

First, you’re a jerk for asking.  Second, you can, in fact, find several answers to that throughout my blog.  Oops.

“rotten ecards large foreheads”

Is that really necessary?

“ugly face rotten ecards”

Daaaaaaamn!  Why you gotta’ go there?!

5. Nutcase  

“memes dont care willy wonka”

Why does this sound like it could be part of Plies’ next song?

“when will jesus return to earth”

I hope you’re not one of those nutjob cultist church members.  I have news for you: You will be wrong again.

Source: INC NOW

Source: INC NOW

“how to dismiss a ghost from house”

Try this: Stand on your head.  Spin around three times.  No, wait… the other way.  Sneeze once.  Get off your head.  Stand on one foot.  Jump up and down.  Tell it that it better not piss you off.  There!  It should be gone!  Let me know how it works out for you.

6. Sicko

“big brother pooped in little brother’s undies”

Uh, little bro can now keep those undies.

“stinky vaginas”

That’s not normal.  You should get that checked out.

Source: someecards

Source: someecards

“knocked up by my brother”

Wow.  Just wow.

7. Conspirator

 “obama divorce story”

I don’t think he’s ever been divorced, bro… but I’m sure you can find something else wrong with him.  You shouldn’t have to look very far.

8. Addict

“how come my penis meth”

You should probably seek some help.  They have NA meetings for that.

“can i make my own decisions at the age of 19?”

If you have to ask the Google this question, then probably not.  And I’d also bet on the fact that you’re probably dabbling in some things you shouldn’t be dabbling in.

9. Victim

“being stalked ecards”

Now’s probably not the time for an ecard.  Perhaps you should call the cops instead of playing on the Google.

“i regret my life so far”

Please seek immediate counseling.  This one is far beyond my expertise.

“after an abortion, the guy gave me a baby onesies as a cruel joke”

I’m just not sure what to say about this.  THAT is not a joke.  And HE is the epitome of jackasses.  I hope you’re not still with the winner.

10. Parent

“no social life 2013”

Don’t worry – that’s normal when you have kids.

“what happened to the cherry on the goodness gang”

I don’t know what happened to him, but I’m sure the gang won’t be the same without him.

“teen speak for rad”

This is one thing I can actually help with!  Woohoo!  See here for all the answers!

“child pretends brother’s breathing is too loud”

Are they driving you crazy yet?  Perhaps you should try reading for solutions.  My blog will certainly not help.

Source: Amazon

Source: Amazon

So… as you can see, I’ve had quite an array of Google searchers who’ve found my blog.  I hope for your sake, none of them have found yours, too.

What’s your favorite search term above?  Any of them creep you out as much as they have me?!

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