Today’s Be Happy Challenge:
– If You Could Have One Superpower… –
Hmm, this is a tough one. I’ve already talked in a past post about how single parents are real superheroes. But if I got to pick one superpower to have, it definitely wouldn’t be that of a single parent.
So, if I could have one superpower, it would be – – – mind control! I’m a woman, so that already makes me manipulative, right? Well, this would take that one step further… And it would make me a hero!
Let’s see… whose minds would I control?
1. My Kids
You will obey everything I say.
You will clean your room and all that nasty pee from around your toilet, as I’m not the one who has to stand but can’t aim.
You will love your brother and never want to fight with him or sucker punch him when his back is to you again.
You will complete all your homework before I even start hounding you about it because you will just love school.
You will never ever experiment with drugs. Okay, maybe just weed brownies in college…
You won’t get married until you’re at least 35. You will always remember that women are crazy.
2. My Boss
You will offer to let me leave early on Fridays (and all other beautiful, sunny days).
You will give me a much-needed, well-deserved raise. A big raise.
You will no longer give me major assignments at 4:28, when you know good and well I leave at 4:30.
You will learn to add your own damn page numbers to documents in Microsoft Word.
You will get me the hell out of this cubicle where I’m stuck sitting right next to Fatty Patty who chews like a horse all day.
You will give up your good parking spot to me so I don’t have to walk three miles, uphill both ways, to and from my car every day, even in the rain.
3. Father Figure
You will give me a back massage every night before bed, and you will love it. And it will be for more than 8 minutes.
You will bring me a new, cold beer every time you see mine getting low. (Caveat: You will not take advantage of me just because I’m slightly tipsy.)
You will be the one to fight with the kids at bedtime when they’re swinging from the ceiling fans screaming that they’re not tired yet.
You will wash all the dirty dishes. Every day. I freaking hate doing dishes.
You will forget how to play pool, and I will beat you every game we play because you will suck.
You will suck it up and watch Annie with me. (And again, you will love it.)
I would also control the minds of all the morons around here who can’t drive. And of the cashier at Walmart who always gives me the correct amount of change back. And of the stinkin’ baseball coach who thinks it’s a good idea to have practice on a beautiful Sunday afternoon.
I guess somewhere in the midst of all that mind control, I might do something good like save the world or help an old lady cross the street. I might also manipulate a few people (who shall remain nameless) into stepping off the curb in front of a bus. What???! I said might.
What superpower would you like to have? The ability to fly? Be invisible? X-ray vision? Drink beer and eat Baconators every day without gaining a pound? (Ahem, Arden…) Be a part of the Ambiguously Gay Duo? Let me hear your coolest ideas!