Monthly Archives: May 2013

“The most awesome thing about being awesome is the aura of awesomeness around you which makes you feel more awesome.” ~Kaushal Rupani


I’m so thankful to frustratedreader for nominating me for the Liebster Award because now I don’t have to think of something to blog about today.

This award is given to bloggers with less than 200 followers, who then share their favorite bloggers with their viewers.  Unfortunately, I still have less than 200 followers, but maybe by the next time someone wants to nominate me, they won’t be able to because I’ll be way over 200 by that point.  Yeah.  That sounds about right.

The rules for this award are:

1. Thank the blogger who nominated you for the Liebster Award, and link back to his or her blog.

2. Answer the 11 questions that your nominator asks you.

3. Post 11 random facts about yourself.

4. Nominate 11 bloggers of your own, with under 200 followers, whom you think are as awesome as you.

5. Create 11 questions for your nominees.

6. And finally… Display the Liebster Award logo on your page.

I’ll start with my answers to “Fusterated’s” questions.  (I love this happy accident, by the way.)

1. On a scale of 1-10 (10 being the highest) how much do you enjoy blogging?  Ten, without a doubt.  Blogging is better therapy than anything I know of.  And it’s introduced me to other amazingly abnormal people who are much like myself.

2. How do you choose which blogs to follow?  I always look to see who my favorite bloggers are following.  Their taste in bloggers is pretty impressive.  I also read other bloggers’ comments – they tell me a lot about their personalities.

3. Do you prefer green or blue in general?  Blue.  It’s actually one of my favorite colors.

4. Do you believe in soul mates, why or why not?  I don’t.  Every time I think I’ve met him, I’m proven horribly wrong.  As I’ve shared before, it amazes that a person as intelligent as myself can have such bad judgment!

Source: someecards

Source: someecards

5. If you could travel anywhere, all expenses paid, where would you go and why?  To St. Croix.  Who ever said Disney was the greatest place on Earth?

6. Would you rather live by a body of water or on the Plains?  WATER!!!  I’m a beach bum and could never live anywhere that’s not near the beach.  Be jealous, Don.  Be very jealous.

7. Why did you choose WordPress?  Haha.  It was the first blogging site that popped up in my Google search.  I knew NOTHING about blogging.  Nothing.  I’m glad The Google did, though.

8. Are there aliens?  Yes.  And they steal socks from my dryer.

Source: Leanne Wildermuth

Source: Leanne Wildermuth

9. Do you believe in a higher power?  I do.  I’m a very unapologetic Christian.

Source: someecards

Source: someecards

10. Do you expect to blog for the rest of your life or is it until you get super burned out?  I plan to blog until my smart phone becomes smarter than I am, and I can no longer figure out how to use it.  I can’t imagine ever getting burned out.  If I stop blogging, I’m likely to kill someone…

Now it’s time for 11 random facts about myself.  You all already know I’m kind of crazy, so I’ll skip that one.

1. I’m addicted to those ridiculous ghost story shows.  They’re like a train wreck that I can’t look away from.

2. When someone adds me as a Facebook friend, I stalk them look through all of their photo albums.  Just to make sure I know who I’m becoming friends with, of course.

Source: Leaky Squid

Source: Leaky Squid

3. I hate peanut butter.  But Nutella is an entirely different story.

4. I can’t whistle.  Not even a little.  It just sounds like I’m trying to blow out birthday candles.

5. I love love love long-sleeved t-shirts.

6. I played the trumpet in middle school.  (No band nerd jokes allowed…)

7. I ran track in high school.  (Thus, the reason I now have amazing legs.  Just saying.)

8. You make me feel like I’ve been locked out of heaven.

9. My favorite TV show is Sons of Anarchy.  And Jax is my boyfriend.

10. I love graphic novels.  (They’re not comic books, you a**hole!)

11. I will only drive a Ford.

My nominees for the Liebster Award:

1. The Girl Who Blogs – I love everything about Kaela.  Seriously, there’s not a post she’s written that I haven’t loved.

2. RePrEsSeD ExPrEsSiOnS – She’s always so positive, and I love that she takes the time to recommend her favorite bloggers based on your interests.

3. journey FULL OF LIFE – Little Braxton is a miracle, and Vanessa does an amazing job parenting a child with special needs.  She’s an inspiration to all parents.

4. Dad, it’s OK! – I can’t wait to watch as his little family grows and to hear all about his upcoming adventures and changes.  The only thing I don’t like is the fact that he’s a Puppy Dawg fan.  Arden, I bet you love him already!

5. Andrea’s Metamorphercise – She runs and runs and runs some more.  It’s amazes me.

6. bringing words to life – He’s a self-published poet.  I couldn’t write poetry if I tried.  He was also in the Royal Navy.  That’s pretty badass.

7. Fierce but Cute – Dog pictures… what’s not to love?

8. hippie cahier – She’s a former English teacher, so that automatically makes her cool.  She’s also reached the point in her life that she’s not a raging ball of irritation like I am.  I hope I can reach that point some day.

9. Koke’s Journal – Filet mignon and brownies?  Yes, please.

10. Life Happens – Her favorite food is watermelon.  Mine too.  Yu-uu-umy!!!

11. The She Chronicles – She’s brutally transparent.  I love that.

And now, for your questions:

1. What’s your favorite animal?

2. What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done?

3. Favorite song lyrics?

4. What’s your favorite game show of all time?

5. East coast or West coast?

6. What’s your favorite website?

7. Thunderstorms: love them or hate them?

8. Do you remember your dreams?

9. What was your first car?

10. How do you like your eggs?

11. What are you scared of?

Thank you again, frustratedreader.  You’re the best!

Source: Amazon

Source: Amazon


“I’m an oddity of one, my strangeness too complicated to explain or share.” ~Libba Bray


As I’ve previously admitted, I’m a little OCD.  According to my kids, I’m a LOT OCD.  Either way, I suppose, I have some weird quirks that leave some people thinking I’m just plain crazy.  At least other people think they’re weird… I don’t.  You be the judge:

Source: someecards

Source: someecards

1. I always always check my alarm clock three times after I set it.  Why three?  No idea, but it makes me feel better to know it’s set correctly.

2. If you see me at any random time, I’ll most likely always be biting the inside of my cheek.  I don’t bite my nails, though.  Just my cheek.  Hmm.

3. After my showers, I dry off every single inch of my body.  I can’t stand for even one drop of water to be left.  I do the same thing when I dry my hands after washing them.

4. The rearview mirror in my car must be exactly centered.  I can’t stand it if I can see anything more than my rear window.

Source: ragestache

Source: ragestache

5. The shirts hanging in my closet must all face to the left.

6. My shower curtain has to be closed all the way.  All the way.

7. When I eat cereal, vegetables, or anything else that has some liquid in it, I pour every last drop of liquid off my spoon before it goes onto my plate or into my mouth.

8. I smell my food before I eat it.

Source: the bad chemicals

Source: the bad chemicals

9. I always look in my cup (and smell it) before I pour my drink in it.

10. I eat all the pepperoni off my pizza before I eat the pizza itself.  In fact, I don’t even like the pepperoni if it’s eaten in the same bite as the pizza.

11. I read magazines from back to front.

12. I always read the last page of a book first.  (But only the last page, regardless of the number of words it’s got.)

13. I count the syllables in song lines on my fingers, hoping there will be five.

14. I eat all the chocolate off of peanut M&Ms before I eat the peanut.

15. I wear my watch on my right wrist.  (Which makes me have to take it off completely in order to adjust the time.)

16. I read a text, respond to it, and then go back and read it again.

Source: TV Ropes

Source: TV Ropes

17. I hand wash my dishes even though I have a dishwasher.  I also rinse and stack them all before I even begin washing.

18. After using a public restroom (which I will only do if desperate), I push the door open with my elbows.

19. I have to sleep on the side of the bed closest to the door.  And I will never ever sleep by the wall.

20. I make sure my dining room chairs are pushed in exactly the same amount.

Source: MotiFake

Source: MotiFake

21. I say, “You know what I mean?” after what feels like every sentence.  I’m sure it drives people batty.

22. I alphabetize my DVDs.

23. I check the time three times before I finally figure out that my watch didn’t lie to me the first time I checked it.

24. I vacuum in the same direction so that the carpet lines are parallel.

25. I won’t use a rubber band unless I absolutely have to.  That texture is awful.

26. I must have ice in any drink that’s not coffee.  “Refrigerator cold” is not cold enough.

27. My shower routine NEVER changes: wash hair, wash face, wash body, rinse face, rinse hair, condition hair, rinse body, shave, rinse conditioner.  Then dry, dry, dry.

28. I smell my hair.  Constantly.  Ask Arden… She’s caught me before.  [blush]

Source: Dump a Day

Source: Dump a Day

29. I eat Kit Kats and Hershey bars and any other candy with “perforated” lines one block at a time.

30. I can’t use any type of pencil except a mechanical one.  That feeling of when the point scratches over the paper makes me CRAZY.

Source: someecards

Source: someecards

What about you?  Do you have any of these completely normal quirks?  I’m not crazy, right?

Source: FunnyAsDuck.net

Source: FunnyAsDuck.net


“It’s the first time it’s happened to me and maybe the last. It’s a strange sensation, not normal for me.” ~Zinedine Zidane


Oh.  My.  Goodness.  People!!!  My blogging cherry has FINALLY been popped.  It took the longest two months in history, but yesterday I fiiiiinally reached 1,000 views!  I wish I could figure out exactly who my thousandth viewer was because I’d reach out over the Interwebs and kiss that blessed soul.

Source: Daily Picks and Flicks

Source: Daily Picks and Flicks

And it gets better!  That’s right – It gets better!  I also reached my best ever number of views this week!  Okay, now granted, it was on the day I posted three posts, but still.  Best ever!  Wait.  That’s still not all!  I’ve also picked up FIVE new followers so far this week!  Maybe I do deserve all those awards after all…

So as I was sitting here analyzing and overanalyzing my stats page (you know you do it, too), I noticed that I have the best search engine terms ever.  Here are some of the scary amazing ones:

1. “does jacking off help with panic attacks”

If whoever ran this search could let me know what he found, I’d be interested to know the answer to that.  I doubt you found it in one of my blogs, although maybe I should do some research and blog my results.

2. “sister walks in on brother in shower”

Um, sick.  Knock.  Or lock the dang door.

Source: DIY LOL

Source: DIY LOL

3. “little boys butt crack”

Really?  Sick perv.  You’ll be the next psycho on “To Catch a Predator.”

4. “how the eyes sink into the skull”

Hmm, I’m not so sure about this one.  Sounds a little sick to me.  Must have been either a meth head or a zombie.  They’re very similar, you know…

5. “son farted pooped diapers dinner table blog”

Did someone really write a blog about this?  I bet she hasn’t even reached a thousand views yet.  Smh.

6. “your crazy and i hate you”

I would be willing to bet that whoever did this search (albeit with very poor grammar) found exactly what they were looking for on my always-positive blog.

Source: Rotten eCards

Source: Rotten eCards

7. “women are crazy”

Ding ding ding!  And YOU, Mr. Google Searcher, are the winner, as you did not phrase your search in the form of a question because you already knew this!  Smart man.

8. “nothing more beautiful than a woman walking from behind”

So this one just made me laugh out loud.

9. “my under eyes are very skull”

Turn your autocorrect off, mister.

10. “hot mon blow job to son huge dick jering off”

Um, excuse me?  You want to run that by me one more time?  Good lawd, I hope he didn’t find what he was looking for in one of my posts.

11. “being deprived as a child”

Please seek professional help, as my blog will in no way, shape, or form provide any therapy that you may need.  In fact, you may end up more deprived than before you read my blog.

12. “teen douchebag girls”

Bahahahaha!  Twenty bucks says this search was run by a teen boy who just had his heart broken.  Poor guy.

13. “gang bully diapers pee fear”

Uh, what happened to the days of just stealing someone’s lunch money?

14. “skulliion .. this dayn isn gettin eeeper”

Were you drunk when you typed this?  I hope so because I’m just not sure I know what to say to that.

So… as you can see, it’s no wonder my views have increased.  Apparently it doesn’t matter what you type into the Google – my blog will pop up.  Unfortunately for me, however, I’m not sure that anyone who’s not certifiably crazy has seen it.  With that being said, though, I’ll take the views however I can get them.

Source: someecards

Source: someecards


“Life’s better when it’s fun. Boy, that’s deep, isn’t it?” ~Kevin Costner


Chick Magnet

Chick Magnet

Some people really need to just lighten up.  I bet if they did, they would probably find life a lot less stressful.  I’m in no way just a jokester or prankster all the time, but I’m still able to laugh a lot of stuff off.  I know when to be serious and when it’s okay to chill out a little.  Some people, however, don’t, and their “offended” button is set at way too sensitive.

For example, The Huffington Post posted an article yesterday about t-shirts that are made for toddlers that are just “shocking,” according to some parents.  People, if you don’t like them, then don’t put them on your kids.  It’s not that difficult – especially at the toddler age, when kids don’t pick out their own clothes and dress themselves.  (Okay, some 35-year-old men don’t do those things either, but that’s a topic for a whole new blog… don’t get me sidetracked.)

The “shocked mom” in the article was appalled at a shirt for a 4-year-old that read “Barely Legal.”  Okay, I get it.  Probably not appropriate for a toddler.  But wait… The mom then says (and I quote), “I grabbed it without even registering what the label said, it just looked like a good night shirt for the summer.  Carried it around for about 5 minutes before I read the text and threw up in my mouth a little.”  Really, lady?  You were buying a shirt for your daughter that you didn’t even READ until five minutes after you picked it up?!  Yet you’re blaming the shirt designer?  Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Source: floresfactor.wordpress.com

Source: floresfactor.wordpress.com

Anyway, at the end of the article, there was a slideshow of pictures of baby clothes that just aren’t appropriate for babies.  According to whom?  Other than this one, I actually thought most of the others were quite funny:

Source: Etsy

Source: Etsy

This one just grossed me out a little.

But tell me, what’s so inappropriate about this one?

Source: Cafe Press

Source: Cafe Press

I actually found it funny.  Did the critics and writers of this article actually think that the designer was insinuating that the child who wore this would eventually grow up to be a no-good hoodlum who would never keep a job, smoke weed every day, and end up being kicked out of his roach-infested apartment?  I mean, c’mon man… I think it’s pretty safe to say that what they really meant was that the kid was just pushed out of mom’s little “apartment.”  What’s so offensive about that?  You want him to stay in there forever?  Isn’t that fostering a future and acceptance of co-dependence?  Certainly we wouldn’t want that.

And then, perhaps my favorite of all of their shameful examples, there was this:  (Which I LOVE, by the way, and wish I had a toddler to put it on.)

Source: Etsy

Source: Etsy

This has got to be the cutest little chubby-baby shirt I’ve ever seen!  But wait!  Stop everything.  Tattoos make people criminals, right?  I have two, so I must be a crack whore at night when I leave my office job, right?  And that guy who works in the office down the hall has one on his arm, so he must be a drug dealer, right?

People, GET A LIFE!!!  If you don’t like it, don’t dress your kid in it.  Otherwise, shut up, and let me parent my future delinquent kid however I see fit.  If you want something to complain about, I’m sure I can give you a hundred good examples of my bad parenting.  The way I choose to dress my kids (with funny sayings on their shirts) is not one of them.  If someone wants to put his toddler in a clever shirt that takes you ten minutes to fully “get,” then you’ll just have to gasp in complete and utter disgust and get over it.

In the meantime, as you stare at my post in outrage, I think I’m going to design a t-shirt with this saying for my tween and my teen:

Source: weheartit.com

Source: weheartit.com

What do you think?  Cool, right?


“What does it mean to be the best? It means you have to be better than the number two guy. But what gratification is there in that? He’s a loser—that’s why he’s number two.” ~Jarod Kintz


So I just finished changing my pants since I peed from excitement when I saw that Arden created the I Mustache You a Question Award and nominated me, albeit only because I sit next to her all day, and she thought I’d bitch about not winning.  Geez.  Anyhow, that’s not what matters, right?  What really matters is that my awards list is getting longer by the day!  Even Bitter Ben awarded me with his Bitterly Pressed Award because he’s trying to piss off Arden.  I’m beginning to like how this whole award thing works… piss a bunch of people off and shower Alicia with awards in the process!  This is a win-win for me!  Thanks Arden!!!

Anyway, back to business.  Here are the rules for this bomb-diggity award:

1. Add the award badge to your blog page.

I Mustache You a Question Award

2. Thank the person who nominated you.  (Thanks Arden!)

3. Answer your nominator’s question.

4. Nominate two bloggers for the award to keep it going.

5. Ask the new winners your incredible question.

6. When you’re awarded this, think of your two favorite bloggers at that very moment.  Here are your winners!

7. You can’t award the Mustache Award to the person who nominated you.  Make someone else’s day.

First, I’ll reveal my nominees for the ‘I Mustache You a Question Award.’  They are…..

“Normal” is the New Boring –

Blogging is the extent of her social life, as well.

 and

 TheLifeandTimesofaMom

She actually likes human contact.  She deserves an award for that in and of itself.

My question for both of these amazing ladies is:

If you could have a whole weekend with no kids to worry about and chase around, what would you do?  What would your fantasy weekend consist of?  (No guilt about not having the rugrats, either, by the way.)

Okay, now that that part’s out of the way, I’ll move on to Arden’s question for her nominees.  She asked “Is there something you’ve been holding back from someone that you just want to scream in their face but can’t (or won’t)?  It can be a friend, a coworker, a spouse or boyfriend, a relative.  Why haven’t you told them?”

Well, since you asked…

You all know how I feel about the one particular Turkey Leg Fatty Patty whom I see every day.  You know… the one who drives me insane with every single thing she does?  Well, last week while Arden was enjoying her amazing vacation, and I was stuck here to deal with Chunky McChunkerson on my own, I was surprisingly well-behaved.  I only gave her the look of death maybe three times a day, as opposed to the normal 15 times.  And, I did not scream in her face that she should never EVER wear that purple dress again.  Ever.  For the love of God.  Ever.

Why, you ask?  What was so wrong about the purple dress?

She looked like Violet Beauregarde.  When she turned into a blueberry.

Actual photograph of Turkey Legs

Actual photograph of Turkey Legs

On Friday, when the ice cream truck came for Employee Appreciation Week, I wanted to offer to roll her down to the parking lot just like any good Oompa Loompa would do.  But I didn’t.  I was scared she was going to pick the whole ice cream truck up and eat it.  (You know… like King Kong does when he picks up the girl??)

Me rolling Turkey Legs to the ice cream truck

My fellow co-workers and me rolling Turkey Legs to the ice cream truck

I held back.  I contained myself.  Why?

Simple:  I didn’t want to be eaten.


“Yeah, well. I don’t try to be awesome. It just comes natural.” ~Rick Riordan


Let me start off by saying that I hate love ArdenDamn Thank you, Arden.  Thank you so much for giving me the ABC Award!  According to my stats page, I don’t deserve this award, which leads me to believe that you really just want to watch me shifting and writhing uncomfortably in my chair all day as I try to respond to my nomination.  Yep.  That sounds about right.

Here are the rules to this award:

1. Add the ABC Award to your new post.

ABC Award

2. A-B-C about yourself using one word or phrase.  (No, you cannot leave out ‘Q’ or ‘X’)

3. Nominate however many blogs you’d like to receive this award.

4. Let the recipients you’ve chosen know via a link in their comments section of their blogs.

And now, let my misery begin…

Anal.  [I think you’ve already figured this out about me.]

B-e-a-utiful.  [Not really, but I love saying that.]

Candid.  [Arden knows this firsthand.]

Dookie fresh.

Excellent.

Frisky.

Ghostly.  [I need Charleston to feel like Charleston now, please.  It’s May.  I need a tan.]

Honest.  [Brutally so.]

Impatient.  [And Intimidating.]

Jealous.  [Of everyone who has more than 66 followers.  Pathetic.]

Knee-deep.  [In crap I don’t want to deal with today.]

Left-handed.

Mom.  [I don’t even know my real name anymore.]

Nauseous.  [I have the stomach flu at the moment.  Don’t worry, Arden… I won’t discuss poop.]

Overweightphobic.  [Also known as cacomorphobic.]

Political.  [Don’t get me started.]

Quite certain I’m capable of murder.

Realistic.  [Some like to call is pessimistic.  I would beg to differ.]

Sarcastic.  [Literally all the time.]

Traffic snob.  [If it’s more than 15 minutes away, I’m not going.]

Uncompromising.

Vexed.  [Anyone who reads my blog knows that this is pretty often.]

Wanting.  [I need want a vacation and a million dollars.]

X-wife.  [I wear that badge proudly.]

Yeller.  [I can admit it.  Maybe no one heard me the first time.  Maybe.]

Zealous.  [About several issues.  Again, don’t get me started…]

And no, without further adieu, my nominees for the ABC Award are:

Marriage, Motherhood and Madness.  Mia is hilarious, and she blogs for the same reason I do: to get some time to herself!  (She’s also the real Slim Shady, by the way.)

Ben’s Bitter Blog.  While he, too, is hilarious (and tall), he’s also jealous that Arden nominated me for the award.  Stop being bitter, Ben.  Now it’s your turn.


“In my opinion, we don’t devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.” ~Bill Watterson


Have you ever had the opportunity to call your own kid a douchebag?  Well, I have.  And he deserved it!  On Friday afternoon, the boys were at the pool in our neighborhood, and Ronald’s little girlfriend (you remember – the one who’s mean to him?) came out to watch them swim.  I was relaxing in the hammock and overheard the following conversation:

Ronald’s girlfriend:  “I’ll name five reasons why girls don’t like Ronald.”

Gerald:  “I’ll name five reasons why girls DO like me.”  [pointing to his abs one at a time]  “One.  Two.  Three.  Four.  Five.  Oh wait… there’s SIX reasons!”

Me:  “You’re such a douche.”

Father Figure:  “Did you really just call your kid a douche?!”

Me:  “Yes.  And he deserved it!”

Gerald:  [grinning smugly, still looking at his abs]

Source: Seattle Sportsnet

Source: Seattle Sportsnet

Wow – That was the epitome of douchiness, no?!  I guess that makes me the proud parent of a teenage douchebag!  Well played, Gerald.  Well played…


“God could not be everywhere, and therefore He made mothers.” ~Rudyard Kipling


Yeah, sure, we love homemade cards and macaroni necklaces, but I have enough dang noodles to make mac and cheese for dinner for a year.  And my stupid conscience won’t let me throw out the 67 construction paper cards I’ve collected over the years.  You know… the ones with the scribble scrabble you can’t even decipher?  So dads, grandparents, aunts – help a kid out.  And a mom.

What Moms Really Want for Mother’s Day:

1. A massage.

Source: someecards

Source: someecards

2. A nap.

Source: Rotten eCards

Source: Rotten eCards

3. A clean bathroom.

Source: Latin Rapper

Source: Latin Rapper

4. Bacon.

Source: Tumblr

Source: Tumblr

5. A truce.

Source: paulwreeves.blogspot.com

Source: paulwreeves.blogspot.com

6. Shoes!!!

Source: SodaHead

Source: SodaHead

7. To see an amazing movie that’s not made by Disney or all about shootin-‘em-up.

Source: We Know Memes

Source: We Know Memes

8. A drink.  (Or seven.)

Source: Anne Taintor

Source: Anne Taintor

9. An orgasm.  (Hey, they cure headaches, right??)  *This gift can only come from limited recipients, obviously.*

Source: someecards

Source: someecards

10. A day off.  From life.

Source: Karma Decay

Source: Karma Decay

Okay, so there you have it.  Now go get the wife, mom, sister, etc. something she really wants for Mother’s Day!

And Happy Mother’s Day to all of you amazing moms – You have the hardest job in the world!

My Boys :)


“Writing is a form of therapy; sometimes I wonder how all those who do not write…can manage to escape the madness…which is inherent in a human situation.” ~Graham Greene


For me, blogging has become therapeutic, in a sense.  Obviously, as you all now know, I have a lot of few issues that I deal with on a pretty regular basis: anger problems, OCD, parenting troubles, anxiety, time management issues… the list goes on.  Instead of a seeing a psychologist, though, I’ve discovered that all of YOU are now my shrinks!  Who needs therapy and counseling when you have blogging?!

Source: rocketcitymom.com
Source: rocketcitymom.com

Reasons Why Blogging is Better Than Therapy:

1. Therapy consists of a relationship between you and a counselor, in which there is a mutual commitment.

* Blogging doesn’t require a commitment from anyone.

Source: Etsy

Source: Etsy

2. A therapist is used as a guide in exploring your feelings, thoughts, relationships, and behaviors.

* Blogging allows you explore your feelings and thoughts, as well.  If you doubt this, see here.  I think I did a pretty darn good job of exploring and sharing my feelings, no?

Source: someecards

Source: someecards

3. A therapist coaches you regarding learning about yourself and the way you relate to others.

* Isn’t that what our fellow bloggers do in the “Comments” section?!

Source: The Daily Uplift

Source: The Daily Uplift

4. Therapy helps you discuss many issues, such as deep anger and regrets.

* Well, obviously we bloggers discuss those things pretty openly, too.

Source: someecards

Source: someecards

5. Therapy can become pretty expensive and usually costs around $100 per hour.

* Blogging is free!!  (Suckers!)

Source: Funny Times

Source: Funny Times

6. Therapists usually have a bunch of letters after their names, and most people don’t even know what they mean.

* My blogger therapists only have .com after their names.  Much easier to understand, right?

Source: Interesting and Fun

Source: Interesting and Fun

7. People who get therapy are often labeled as “crazy.”

* People who blog are just seen as “creative.”  [wink, wink]

Source: someecards

Source: someecards

8. Therapy can be somewhat intimidating when you have someone sitting across from you just staring at you, eagerly anticipating your every word so they can then judge “diagnose” you.

* Bloggers can feel comfortable saying whatever the heck they want (obviously, in my case) without ever having to lay eyes on their “judgers.”

Source: Cafe Press

Source: Cafe Press

9. You’re stuck reading a bunch of fine print about confidentiality in therapy.

* Wait, what?!  You mean my blog isn’t private?  I would’ve guessed it was based on my stats page.  Oh well, I trust you all with my deepest, darkest secrets.  You guys usually have an equal amount of your own.  [Insert evil laugh here.]

Source: someecards

Source: someecards

10. In therapy, you need to cancel your appointments 24 hours in advance.

* If I don’t feel like blogging today, then dang it, I won’t blog today!

Source: thelaughinghousewife.wordpress.com

Source: thelaughinghousewife.wordpress.com

11. A lot of therapists won’t accept your medical insurance without issuing a diagnosis on your “condition.”

* My blogs are self-diagnoses that I’m crazy, and that means I don’t even need to use my insurance!!!

Source: 9LoLs.com

Source: 9LoLs.com

So, to make a long story short, I don’t need a therapist.  I have YOU people… and your therapy is free!  So thank you in advance for our many future counseling sessions.  And, most importantly, please don’t be so quick to diagnose me as crazy.  Or angry.  Or OCD.  Or bitter.  Or mean.  Or a bad mom.  You get the point–

Source: Zazzle

Source: Zazzle


“I have a social life. But I don’t discuss it.” ~Ed Koch


No, I really don’t have a social life… But it wasn’t until a fellow amazing blogger called me out on my lack of one yesterday that I realized how pathetic my social life really is.  Yes… that’s right.  He told me that Facebook, Twitter, and WordPress don’t count as social life outlets.  What?!  Well, crap.  Where does that leave me???

Source: Zoot Patrol

Source: Zoot Patrol

I’m only 31 [gasp – did I say “only”?], and I have two kids.  In case you didn’t know, a lot of 31-year-olds haven’t even started making babies yet.  At least not many I know.  In fact, several of my girlfriends are still in their late 20s [bitches…] and have had enough sense to remain unwed and childless – at least for now.  That part of them that itches for children lives vicariously through me and my never-ending monster kid stories.  I’m free, non-prescription birth-control!

Source: Dump a Day

Source: Dump a Day

Happy hour for me isn’t the usual 4-6.  It’s 9:30.  Why?  Because 9:30 is bedtime!  Woohoo!

Source: someecards

Source: someecards

And a night out for me isn’t the normal dancing on in a bar.  It’s grocery shopping in Walmart in peace and quiet with no kids.

Date night for me doesn’t usually consist of a romantic dinner and a movie.  It’s delivery pizza with one kid while the other is at a friend’s house.  (Only having one kid at a time guarantees me at least an hour of respect and maybe even a hug and, therefore, qualifies as a date.)

Source: My Name's Not Mommy

Source: My Name’s Not Mommy

Excitement for me isn’t some random guy asking for my phone number.  It’s getting to pee without a kid trying to bang down the door in a desperate attempt to tattle on the other one first.

Source: Laugh Lines

Source: Laugh Lines

A new release to me isn’t the latest movie in the theaters.  Nope.  It’s the TV version of the movie that everyone (except me) saw in the theater five years ago.

Source: Tumblr

Source: Tumblr

To me, vacation isn’t going away to Disney World or some remote island destination.  For me, it’s not having to do twenty loads of laundry in a week because the kids are spending a few days at their grandparents.

Source: The Meta Picture

Source: The Meta Picture

Social networking to me isn’t meeting up with old friends for a drink.  It’s Facebook stalking all my old high school friends and perusing through hundreds of photos of them enjoying their social lives.

Source: SocialDon

Source: SocialDon

Free time for me isn’t spent in a gym working on my abs.  It’s washing my hair.  And maybe even brushing it!

Source: someecards

Source: someecards

“Mom,” to me, isn’t only what I call the woman who gave birth to me.  It’s my first name.

Source: My Tee Spot

Source: My Tee Spot

For me, makeup doesn’t consist of lipstick, eyeliner, mascara, and blush.  It consists of only the concealer used to cover up my dark under-eye circles.

Source: someecards

Source: someecards

For me, relaxing doesn’t mean spending a day at the spa getting a message.  It means blogging… Lucky you!

Moses said I should “get out” more.  Maybe he meant “blog” more while you’re stuck at home with your kids and all your friends are out having fun.  Yes.  I’m quite certain that’s what he meant.  Stupid autocorrect.

Source: someecards

Source: someecards


Tiffany Kleiman ~ Author

“I don’t care if a reader hates one of my stories, just as long as s/he finishes the book.” ~ Roald Dahl, WD

Jeanne Grier

A Modern Day Mom

The Meat & Potatoes of Life

By Lisa Smith Molinari

JAG GYM Blog

We do good things for kids!

RECLAIMING YOUR CASTLE

...LOVING THE PLACE YOU COME HOME TO.

Ooops, I Said Vagina... Again..

Being a mother, wife, and all around good person... MOST of the time.

Writing Between the Lines

Life From a Writer's POV

Life With The Top Down

Enjoy The Ride!

HA's Place

the lived experiences and musings of an organic, home-grown poet

Phoenix Fights

Fighting the FEAR, depression and BDP on a daily basis AND making my own bread. Bring it on 2016....

nobodysreadingme

Writers write. The rest make excuses.

the EXCESSIVE GARDENER

adventures in defensive gardening

Suddenly they all died. The end.

Write or write not - there is no aspiring.

Post it Notes from my Idiot Boss

delivered directly to my computer monitor on an all too regular basis...

Piglove

Adventures of Bacon and Friends

Laura A. Lord

"Of this I am certain: The moment you said, "You are..." I no longer recognized myself. ‪‎I am‬ more than the woman you see. "

Corner of Confessions

Just another WordPress.com weblog

Around the Hill

Photos, and maybe a geeky blog post or two!

%d bloggers like this: