Oh. My. Goodness. People!!! My blogging cherry has FINALLY been popped. It took the longest two months in history, but yesterday I fiiiiinally reached 1,000 views! I wish I could figure out exactly who my thousandth viewer was because I’d reach out over the Interwebs and kiss that blessed soul.
And it gets better! That’s right – It gets better! I also reached my best ever number of views this week! Okay, now granted, it was on the day I posted three posts, but still. Best ever! Wait. That’s still not all! I’ve also picked up FIVE new followers so far this week! Maybe I do deserve all those awards after all…
So as I was sitting here analyzing and overanalyzing my stats page (you know you do it, too), I noticed that I have the best search engine terms ever. Here are some of the scary amazing ones:
1. “does jacking off help with panic attacks”
If whoever ran this search could let me know what he found, I’d be interested to know the answer to that. I doubt you found it in one of my blogs, although maybe I should do some research and blog my results.
2. “sister walks in on brother in shower”
Um, sick. Knock. Or lock the dang door.
3. “little boys butt crack”
Really? Sick perv. You’ll be the next psycho on “To Catch a Predator.”
4. “how the eyes sink into the skull”
Hmm, I’m not so sure about this one. Sounds a little sick to me. Must have been either a meth head or a zombie. They’re very similar, you know…
5. “son farted pooped diapers dinner table blog”
Did someone really write a blog about this? I bet she hasn’t even reached a thousand views yet. Smh.
6. “your crazy and i hate you”
I would be willing to bet that whoever did this search (albeit with very poor grammar) found exactly what they were looking for on my always-positive blog.
7. “women are crazy”
Ding ding ding! And YOU, Mr. Google Searcher, are the winner, as you did not phrase your search in the form of a question because you already knew this! Smart man.
8. “nothing more beautiful than a woman walking from behind”
So this one just made me laugh out loud.
9. “my under eyes are very skull”
Turn your autocorrect off, mister.
10. “hot mon blow job to son huge dick jering off”
Um, excuse me? You want to run that by me one more time? Good lawd, I hope he didn’t find what he was looking for in one of my posts.
11. “being deprived as a child”
Please seek professional help, as my blog will in no way, shape, or form provide any therapy that you may need. In fact, you may end up more deprived than before you read my blog.
12. “teen douchebag girls”
Bahahahaha! Twenty bucks says this search was run by a teen boy who just had his heart broken. Poor guy.
13. “gang bully diapers pee fear”
Uh, what happened to the days of just stealing someone’s lunch money?
14. “skulliion .. this dayn isn gettin eeeper”
Were you drunk when you typed this? I hope so because I’m just not sure I know what to say to that.
So… as you can see, it’s no wonder my views have increased. Apparently it doesn’t matter what you type into the Google – my blog will pop up. Unfortunately for me, however, I’m not sure that anyone who’s not certifiably crazy has seen it. With that being said, though, I’ll take the views however I can get them.