Oh. My. Goodness. People!!! My blogging cherry has FINALLY been popped. It took the longest two months in history, but yesterday I fiiiiinally reached 1,000 views! I wish I could figure out exactly who my thousandth viewer was because I’d reach out over the Interwebs and kiss that blessed soul.

Source: Daily Picks and Flicks
And it gets better! That’s right – It gets better! I also reached my best ever number of views this week! Okay, now granted, it was on the day I posted three posts, but still. Best ever! Wait. That’s still not all! I’ve also picked up FIVE new followers so far this week! Maybe I do deserve all those awards after all…
So as I was sitting here analyzing and overanalyzing my stats page (you know you do it, too), I noticed that I have the best search engine terms ever. Here are some of the scary amazing ones:
1. “does jacking off help with panic attacks”
If whoever ran this search could let me know what he found, I’d be interested to know the answer to that. I doubt you found it in one of my blogs, although maybe I should do some research and blog my results.
2. “sister walks in on brother in shower”
Um, sick. Knock. Or lock the dang door.

Source: DIY LOL
3. “little boys butt crack”
Really? Sick perv. You’ll be the next psycho on “To Catch a Predator.”
4. “how the eyes sink into the skull”
Hmm, I’m not so sure about this one. Sounds a little sick to me. Must have been either a meth head or a zombie. They’re very similar, you know…
5. “son farted pooped diapers dinner table blog”
Did someone really write a blog about this? I bet she hasn’t even reached a thousand views yet. Smh.
6. “your crazy and i hate you”
I would be willing to bet that whoever did this search (albeit with very poor grammar) found exactly what they were looking for on my always-positive blog.

Source: Rotten eCards
7. “women are crazy”
Ding ding ding! And YOU, Mr. Google Searcher, are the winner, as you did not phrase your search in the form of a question because you already knew this! Smart man.
8. “nothing more beautiful than a woman walking from behind”
So this one just made me laugh out loud.
9. “my under eyes are very skull”
Turn your autocorrect off, mister.
10. “hot mon blow job to son huge dick jering off”
Um, excuse me? You want to run that by me one more time? Good lawd, I hope he didn’t find what he was looking for in one of my posts.
11. “being deprived as a child”
Please seek professional help, as my blog will in no way, shape, or form provide any therapy that you may need. In fact, you may end up more deprived than before you read my blog.
12. “teen douchebag girls”
Bahahahaha! Twenty bucks says this search was run by a teen boy who just had his heart broken. Poor guy.
13. “gang bully diapers pee fear”
Uh, what happened to the days of just stealing someone’s lunch money?
14. “skulliion .. this dayn isn gettin eeeper”
Were you drunk when you typed this? I hope so because I’m just not sure I know what to say to that.
So… as you can see, it’s no wonder my views have increased. Apparently it doesn’t matter what you type into the Google – my blog will pop up. Unfortunately for me, however, I’m not sure that anyone who’s not certifiably crazy has seen it. With that being said, though, I’ll take the views however I can get them.

Source: someecards
May 16th, 2013 at 10:42 am
o.O Guuuuuurl, dem search terms!! Who the heck has been looking at your blog!! Good grief!! I about busted out laughing at my desk. I’m….at a loss for words.
May 16th, 2013 at 10:43 am
And that first meme might just be my favorite! Ha!
May 16th, 2013 at 10:45 am
I’ve been dying to use that one!!!
May 16th, 2013 at 10:45 am
Yeah, me too. I pray that it’s not anyone I’ll ever come face-to-face with. It sounds like they should all be locked away forever. If not in prison, at least in the loony bin!
May 16th, 2013 at 11:06 am
I would be scared for my life if I ever came face to face with those people!! Geesh!!
May 16th, 2013 at 10:43 am
I think it would be so funny to me if I was the one that was your 1000th view. I’m pretty sure that would be the most awkward hug in internet history.
May 16th, 2013 at 10:45 am
Not awkward. Epic. EPIC.
May 16th, 2013 at 10:49 am
Can’t look away like car accident or pregnant Kim Kardashian, must see TV awkward.
May 16th, 2013 at 10:59 am
Epic. Snooki getting punched in the face. Ozzy biting a bat’s head off. Epic.
May 16th, 2013 at 12:01 pm
It will replace The Office on NBC.
May 16th, 2013 at 2:43 pm
This is the first post of yours I’ve read, and I’m already hooked. Hilarious! Followed and looking forward to more!
May 16th, 2013 at 2:45 pm
Aww – thank you!! Except that worries me a little. My stories tend to be natural, free birth-control, and considering that you only have a little over a month to go, I’m a little nervous for you! I’m so excited to stalk (I mean, catch up on) your blog!!
May 16th, 2013 at 3:51 pm
hahaha! I did a similar post recently on my blog about my search engine terms. The sad thing is, when I picked the name of my blog, I didn’t realize how many people spell the F word fuking, which always sends them to my blog which is called FAKING picture perfect. So, I get a lot of search terms like, housewife fuking. It has only convinced me that 90% of people searching for stuff on the internet are porn addicts or pedophiles. Eww.
May 16th, 2013 at 3:54 pm
You just made me choke on my Fruit Roll-Up! “Housewife Fuking” = classic!!! This is the one time I’m glad to be in the minority… not a porn addict or a pedophile. But wait. That means that almost everyone who reads our blogs IS one of those. Ugh.
Going to read your search term blog stat!!!
May 16th, 2013 at 5:08 pm
[…] funny, and imperfect. So, of course, I love her blog so far. But, she inspired me today by her post about weird people searching for stuff on the internet. Remember my post like that? Well, […]
May 16th, 2013 at 9:19 pm
For only blogging a few months, you are a natural at it. Very funny stuff and it certainly looks like you have been at it for a good long while! I follow three bloggers who, looking at your humor themes, you would absolutely love and I am passing them on to you to check out if you haven’t run across them yet: DonOfAllTrades, Ned’sBlog, GoJulesGo. And disclaimer: I have received no offers of money, sex, drugs or good blogging themes from any of them. I’m simply passing on the good stuff. Enjoy!
May 17th, 2013 at 8:36 am
Thank you for your sweet words! You made my day!! I’ll definitely check out Ned’sBlog and GoJulesGo. I follow Don, which is why I find it very hard to believe he didn’t offer you anything. I’ll have to do some investigating on that 😉
Thank you again for the compliment and the awesome referrals on other bloggers!!
May 17th, 2013 at 1:14 pm
I can send the links, I was just being lazy. I certainly think that you will take off as you have a flair that is pretty obvious. I saw your exchange on BensBitterBlog, and it was the best of all of them. If you keep on commenting like that then others will become interested to know who this crazy broad is, and will come! I think the search engine post is one of the funniest I have seen in quite a while!
May 17th, 2013 at 1:30 pm
No need to send links – I already stalked -uh- looked them up!! And I’m so glad you shared them with me!
Crazy broad doesn’t even begin to accurately describe me! Haha.
I was just saying this morning that I wish those search terms were something I could make up! I’m nowhere close to that good – Thank goodness I have crazy people to help with blog ideas!!
May 17th, 2013 at 1:47 pm
But it is the observant person who finds the humor where most people wouldn’t think to look. I never even glanced at search words before your post, now you made me curious! Bringing stuff like that to other people’s attention in a way that made me squirt out a little with laughter is A-rated blogging.
May 17th, 2013 at 11:11 am
Congratulations on 1,000 views! You have THE best search terms, #13 cracked me up!
May 17th, 2013 at 12:03 pm
Thank you! 🙂
I wish I could make something like that up!!!
May 17th, 2013 at 5:44 pm
Reblogged this on Search Engine Term Fail.
July 26th, 2013 at 12:17 pm
[…] A little over two months have passed since I last looked into what terms led these crazies searchers to my blog. You can see those terms here. […]