Do your kids ever fight? Well, mine give sibling rivalry a whole new meaning. You haven’t seen fighting until you’ve spent five minutes with Gerald and Ronald. Seriously. Five minutes. That’s all it takes. So, today I thought we would be golden and fight-free… Ronald had a field trip all day, so he didn’t have to do any work. When we got back to the school, I signed him out early. Then I let Gerald walk from school with his two best friends so he didn’t have to ride the bus. Neither of them had baseball practice today, so they got to play the Xbox all afternoon. That should be Heaven for an 11- and 13-year-old, right, and guarantee me at least one day of no fighting? Well, not for MY kids. Nooooo… that would be asking too much. That would be like me asking for snow in July. It can’t happen. From the second Gerald walked in the door from school, here’s what I’ve heard [verbatim]:
“Mooooom, my brother’s blinking at me.”
“Mooooom, my brother farted next to me.”
“Mooooom, my brother won’t let me have a turn playing the game.”
“Mooooom, my brother ate the last piece of cornbread.”
“Mooooom, my brother is breathing too hard.”
“Mooooom, my brother called me ugly.”
“Mooooom, my brother’s chewing too loud.”
“Mooooom, my brother just tried to touch my butt.”
“Mooooom, my brother’s pretending to stab my eye out with his knife.”
As usual, when dealing with these two, I learned a few valuable lessons today.
1. Don’t make steak (or anything else that requires a knife) for dinner.
2. Ignoring them does not help. They only yell louder.
3. I should change my name. Now.
4. Pretending to be invisible doesn’t work. They know I’m still here, and they keep finding me.
Please, someone… HELP. Get me out of here!!!